"This new world wants those that think and feel for other people to die and they're going to use the broken brains of the dehumanized, gutted of empathy, to carry out the mass homicide through negligence, suppression, forced illness and possible brute force."
Marc Maron
When the person I'm pretending to be dies, will the real me be born?
Seems kind of risky to wait and see.
So here I sit.
71 years old. The biggest decision I should have to make is how late to sleep today. Instead, I am working part time, condemned to do so until I die.......................................until a vicious, vengeful, unbalanced man was elected president.
Now I am condemned to working full time until I die. I'm already applying for full time jobs.
When social security is ripped away from us, Carol and I will not survive. We will lose our home.
Brief aside: What kind of heartless, immoral, psychopath takes social security away from people who are already receiving it. If you are opposed to it, lay out a plan to phase it out over time so the younguns can plan ahead. You have to be one cruel son of a bitch to take it away from people who rely on it.
Carol and I will survive. I will get a job. We'll eat spam and I'll drink cheap whiskey. But there are those in my own community who are too old and frail to work, who rely solely on social security. They will suffer. Poverty, health issues, homelessness, and death.
You Fucking Asshole.
To a great extent, it is my fault we are in this position. If I achieved, we'd be sitting pretty. But early in life when I realized I was living the exact life I vowed never to live, I threw up my hands and turned to whiskey and partying. Had a lot of fun. Figured I'd survive. But I did not count on a dictator ripping America to shreds.
You gotta watch out for life. It will fuck you hard and stomp you when you collapse in despair.
I never chased the life I wanted. I gave up instead. Huge mistake. Because from here on out my life is out of my hands. If I was alone I would just drink myself into the grave. But I owe Carol. Owe her big time. She deserves to be happy and unafraid. So I will do what I have to do.
But on my terms. A lot of whiskey will be consumed. With whatever limited free time I will have, I'm going after fun. I will not drag my ass home at night and fall asleep 18 minutes later.
I only get 4 hours of sleep right now. So fuck it. I can push myself hard and I already just don't care.
I admit to my portion of the blame for the way my life turned out. But the harsh truth is that 77 million gullible people voted a man into office who will destroy my life. These peoples' twisted opinions ruined my life. MY LIFE.
The only comfort I take from that, is that he will ruin their lives too.
And they will never see it coming.
My cats are serene. Happy. Loved. Loving. Insane.
I would love to trade places with them. See what it feels like. But with my life as it is and, even worse, what it is about to become, they could not handle it.
The level of stress and unhappiness would be so foreign to them, that they would die. Immediately.
I would rather die than have one of my cats die.
Been doing the rope-a-dope all my life.
Arms raised, covering up, absorbing the blows. The strategy being to wear out my opponent to the point where I can suddenly knock him on his ass when he least suspects it.
The jokes on me, 71 years down the road. I am the one who is tired, I am the one who is worn out.
Thinking about dropping my arms.
How much worse can it get?
