Beware

 "Most people love you for who you pretend to be."

Jim Morrison

Put Yourself Out There

 "The most important kind of freedom is to be what you really are. You trade in your reality for a role. You give up your ability to feel, and in exchange, put on a mask."

Jim Morrison

Time Has Come Today

 Every thought I have, every action I take, every action I avoid, has to be examined for signs of cowardice from the perspective of identifying the motive in each instance.

This is critical.

When cowardice is exposed to the light of day, it must then be extinguished. With extreme prejudice.

Instance by instance.

Exhausting work, but more critical than ever in year 71.

Potential is refreshing and hopeful, but you gotta destroy roadblocks to enable the eagle to fly.

It is time.

Two By Jung

 "The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are."

"The world will ask you who you are, and if you don't know, the world will tell you."

Carl Jung

Two Joes

Holy shit - I landed another job.

That makes three since I got here. Three in 2024.

People trust me. They trust both of me. The fact that I quit both of the other jobs after only a month each is irrelevant.

There's Interview Joe - the phony who knows exactly what to say at every interview, who knows how to exude confidence, project empathy and likability - who is smooth - a gifted performance artist.

There is Real Joe. I recently dusted him off. He hasn't seen the light of day for decades. For this most recent interview I decided that I was sick of playacting - I decided to just be myself..............and it worked! Who knew?

It wasn't easy - I slip into character at the drop of a hat - sometimes subconsciously. At Market Basket, in a bar, in public conversations, in private conversations - the smile flashes, the charm illuminates, the words flow like melted butter - and once again I am taking prisoners.

But I focused and pulled it off. Afterwards, in my car, I congratulated myself for being myself. It was a warm moment.

I watched Hard Knocks Off Season a few months ago. The Giants were evaluating potential draft candidates. If I was ever interviewed the way these guys were interviewed - ever in my life - I would have ended up a drunkard, living in a one room cold water flat in slumsville. And I would have no teeth.

The coach would draw up a play on the whiteboard. He would name it - 25ZLeftJuke14RandallPumpkinBreadEasy36 - and then ask the candidate "What do you do when the defense lines up like this? But what if they are faking it and shift into this coverage? What do you do? But what if this guy decides to blitz? Who do you go to?" After a few minutes of conversation the coach would say "Oh, by the way - what was the name of the play again?"

These guys nailed it. Fucking amazing.

So here we are. Got me another job. A librarian's assistant. Who could ever have guessed that? I have learned in the past year to go with the flow. Why not? A magical, positive karma has been protecting Carol and me over the last 12 months - I accept it and allow it to infuse my cells and my heart and my soul. Been waiting a lifetime for this feeling.

The job is so close to my home that I could literally walk there. AND the interviewer said to me "This library is pretty quiet - you might have to find ways to occupy yourself from time to time." I'm surrounded by books! Jesus loves me.

The customer service jobs I have worked for the past eight years have been stressful. Fast paced and busy. I'm ready for quiet. And a paycheck.

Two days a week, 8 hour days, and one 4 hour Saturday a month. Beautiful. That leaves me time to write The Great American novel. Or to drink whiskey and take naps.

I'm telling you, man - I had this vague roadmap of my life in the beginning. Actually, it was more of a feeling than a roadmap - but I knew how I wanted to end up.

I ain't there - not even close. But fuck it. What I have is not so bad. In fact it's pretty goddamn good.

Who knew?

Uh Oh..........

 Is there no growth?

Is there no catharsis?

No Wrong Turns

 There are no wrong turns, only unexpected destinations.

I like that. It allows me to explain away most of my life and sound adventurous.

I'm gonna go with it.