I Knew You Were Faking It

 "Very few people do this anymore. It's too risky. First of all, it's a hell of a responsibility to be yourself. It's much easier to be somebody else or nobody at all."

Sylvia Plath

Alone Again

I really wanted Djokovic to beat Alcaraz. 

To win the Australian Open. To grab that elusive 25th.

Alas, it was not to be. I fear that record breaking major is fading further into the rear view mirror for Novac.

Djokovic is 38, Carlos is 22. Age vs Youth. Generation after generation in all walks of life.

I was hoping for a miracle to help inspire my own, the miracle it will take for me to go out in a blaze of glory.

Guess I'm on my own.

Again.

Perfect Peace

 If you long to connect your soul to the Absolute Truth of Life, if you want to feel the perfect peace that accompanies that experience, then listen to Tom Russell - specifically a CD called Blood and Candle Smoke.

What The Fuck Is Wrong With Me?

Stayed up until 1:30 this morning watching a documentary on Marc Maron - Are We Good?

Love Marc Maron.

Today I am tired. Can't concentrate. Can't get anything done.

Really?

For Christ sake, John Wick gets the shit kicked out of him 15 times in every movie, and then bounces back to kick the shit out of every remaining bad guy. Beats 'em, kills 'em. Viciously. And he accomplishes that even though he is suffering with nasty cuts, broken ribs, amputated fingers, exhaustion, and extensive blood-loss.

I'm tired?

What the fuck is wrong with me?

Chilling

Recently read a book that was chilling. Written by Daniel Silva.

The story revolved around a white supremacist movement that had been festering, plotting, planning and growing, kinda underground, over a few decades. With a much bigger - MUCH bigger base of support than you would expect in a civilized country. Their ultimate goal was to take over the government of the country and cleanse the population so that it looked exactly as they wanted it to look. Meaning just like them.

Of course it was a work of fiction.

When they gained control of the government the plan was to harass the shit out of immigrants, beat them, cuff them, kill them, and deport them - at least the ones left alive. They would break every law and make up some of their own. If random citizens got caught up in the violence, so be it. 

This would all be done anonymously - masks, no badges, no visible ID - to protect the brave men and women performing the cleansing. Makes perfect sense.

The movement included and was backed by high-level politicians, billionaires, big business, lawyers, the military and other high-minded people.

Eventually the true patriots managed to thwart this plan before it could be completed, although it came very close to fruition, causing enormous death and suffering along the way.

A truly frightening read.

Thank God it was fiction.

Baldacci @ 100mph

I read a ton of books last year.

A whole hell of a lot of Baldacci, Chris Bohjalian, C.J.Box, Nelson DeMille, Robert B. Parker, Louise Penny, Daniel Silva.........................easy reading, baby - easy reading.

Great stories, well written - enjoyed them all. But I read fast, like a Japanese bullet train, and these authors are easy to read.

In 2026 I have decided to re-read many of the books that grace my impressive book shelves. The best of the best. When I moved in 2023, from a home we inhabited for 37 years, I had to decimate my book collection. I always bought books - no library for me - books are precious to me and they must be owned.

You can imagine how many books I accumulated over 37 years. Somewhere between a million and a Googol. I wasn't about to move them, so I created a system to decide which books to give away. Then I revised that system and revised it again and again. I had to keep widening the parameters because in my heart I did not want to part with them, but I had to. Each revision tore another chunk from my heart.

Anyway, that's why I say I ended up with the best of the best - books I absolutely could not part with. (P.S. - I now go to the library.)

Browsing my book shelves, I came across a great gift - The Old Curiosity Shop by Charles Dickens. The book looked and felt brand new, and I don't remember reading it. I was drooling.

When I began to read it I quickly realized I had to slow down and concentrate. I was missing stuff and misunderstanding stuff. The language is so rich I really had to focus. When I did, the story tasted so much better. I am a large fan of great literature (I also enjoy watching foreign movies with subtitles - are those two things related?). You have to work when reading great literature, to get the most out of it.

If you haven't read the book but intend to - stop reading this.

Very emotional story. The two main characters, the two you care the most about and love, die. Bitterly sad. But other characters, again people you care about, down to earth good people, experience good fortune and happy ending lives. And the worst bad guy, a real vicious selfish jerk, gets exactly what he deserves - an untimely death.

I was emotionally disturbed at the end. Then I thought, well, this is the way life works. Lots of sadness, some happiness, some really shitty assholes to keep everyone off-balance.

The first book I pulled off my bookshelf was Brave New World, Aldous Huxley. Tough read because it's where we're headed. I had 1984 lined up to read next, and Animal Farm after that but, Christ, I am depressed enough already without bludgeoning myself with apocalyptic stuff - especially when it is rapidly becoming reality.

The Old Curiosity Shop was a gourmet meal.

I'll be mixing and matching this year - grabbing books off my shelves, grabbing easier stuff from the library. Exercise, rest; exercise, rest. I want my mind to get sharp.

I'd like to be intelligent when I die.

Admirable Indeed

You're a music lover.

More than that, music is more important to you than food, oxygen, and Italian silk ties.

Got a pretty extensive CD collection. LP's were forsaken in 2023 in a fit of insanity, forever mourned. But the CD's are doing a more than admirable job of nourishing the soul.

Two CD's are currently sitting on top of the CD player:

1) This is the Best of Miles Davis & Gil Evans

2) GP/Grievous Angel - Gram Parsons

Hot damn, brother - you got eclectic, exquisite taste in music.

Bet it brings you a great deal of happiness.