Beware

 "Most people love you for who you pretend to be."

Jim Morrison

Put Yourself Out There

 "The most important kind of freedom is to be what you really are. You trade in your reality for a role. You give up your ability to feel, and in exchange, put on a mask."

Jim Morrison

Time Has Come Today

 Every thought I have, every action I take, every action I avoid, has to be examined for signs of cowardice from the perspective of identifying the motive in each instance.

This is critical.

When cowardice is exposed to the light of day, it must then be extinguished. With extreme prejudice.

Instance by instance.

Exhausting work, but more critical than ever in year 71.

Potential is refreshing and hopeful, but you gotta destroy roadblocks to enable the eagle to fly.

It is time.

Two By Jung

 "The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are."

"The world will ask you who you are, and if you don't know, the world will tell you."

Carl Jung

Two Joes

Holy shit - I landed another job.

That makes three since I got here. Three in 2024.

People trust me. They trust both of me. The fact that I quit both of the other jobs after only a month each is irrelevant.

There's Interview Joe - the phony who knows exactly what to say at every interview, who knows how to exude confidence, project empathy and likability - who is smooth - a gifted performance artist.

There is Real Joe. I recently dusted him off. He hasn't seen the light of day for decades. For this most recent interview I decided that I was sick of playacting - I decided to just be myself..............and it worked! Who knew?

It wasn't easy - I slip into character at the drop of a hat - sometimes subconsciously. At Market Basket, in a bar, in public conversations, in private conversations - the smile flashes, the charm illuminates, the words flow like melted butter - and once again I am taking prisoners.

But I focused and pulled it off. Afterwards, in my car, I congratulated myself for being myself. It was a warm moment.

I watched Hard Knocks Off Season a few months ago. The Giants were evaluating potential draft candidates. If I was ever interviewed the way these guys were interviewed - ever in my life - I would have ended up a drunkard, living in a one room cold water flat in slumsville. And I would have no teeth.

The coach would draw up a play on the whiteboard. He would name it - 25ZLeftJuke14RandallPumpkinBreadEasy36 - and then ask the candidate "What do you do when the defense lines up like this? But what if they are faking it and shift into this coverage? What do you do? But what if this guy decides to blitz? Who do you go to?" After a few minutes of conversation the coach would say "Oh, by the way - what was the name of the play again?"

These guys nailed it. Fucking amazing.

So here we are. Got me another job. A librarian's assistant. Who could ever have guessed that? I have learned in the past year to go with the flow. Why not? A magical, positive karma has been protecting Carol and me over the last 12 months - I accept it and allow it to infuse my cells and my heart and my soul. Been waiting a lifetime for this feeling.

The job is so close to my home that I could literally walk there. AND the interviewer said to me "This library is pretty quiet - you might have to find ways to occupy yourself from time to time." I'm surrounded by books! Jesus loves me.

The customer service jobs I have worked for the past eight years have been stressful. Fast paced and busy. I'm ready for quiet. And a paycheck.

Two days a week, 8 hour days, and one 4 hour Saturday a month. Beautiful. That leaves me time to write The Great American novel. Or to drink whiskey and take naps.

I'm telling you, man - I had this vague roadmap of my life in the beginning. Actually, it was more of a feeling than a roadmap - but I knew how I wanted to end up.

I ain't there - not even close. But fuck it. What I have is not so bad. In fact it's pretty goddamn good.

Who knew?

Uh Oh..........

 Is there no growth?

Is there no catharsis?

No Wrong Turns

 There are no wrong turns, only unexpected destinations.

I like that. It allows me to explain away most of my life and sound adventurous.

I'm gonna go with it.

Can I?

 How far can I take this?

Can I become a man to be feared?

Kris Kristofferson

Kris Kristofferson was "an Oxford scholar, a defensive back, a bartender, a Golden Gloves Boxer, a gandy dancer, a forest-fighter, a road crew member, and an Army Ranger who flew helicopters. He was a peacenik, a revolutionary, an actor, a superstar, a Casanova, and a family man. He was almost a teacher at West Point, but he gave that up to become a Nashville songwriting bum."

I stole that description from his official website because I didn't want to miss anything.

This is a tough one for me. I am a word guy. In my mind the highest evolution of writing is when you can match your words to music. Kris did that in a way that was so accessible. He expressed high thoughts and deep truths effortlessly. Real people understand the depths of what he is saying because he speaks directly to their hearts.

I hate lists, I hate to rank things, especially regarding music, because I love music with my heart and soul, and my tastes range across a wide spectrum.

But Kris Kristofferson occupies rare air in my life. Bob Dylan, Townes Van Zandt, Leonard Cohen, Kris Kristofferson - that might be the four that I worship most. Kris is #1 - I loved that man so much.

Springsteen, Paul Simon, Willie Nelson - cream of the crop, man. Right up there. But Dylan, Cohen, Van Zandt, and Kristofferson have a way of expressing deep philosophies, of expressing raw truths about the heart and life and what it means to be human; they make you think and appreciate and feel and investigate and smile and cry. They talk about small things in life that connect us all as humans; they express big thoughts that make you want to improve your life and your mind.

Staggering talents.

I am struggling here because I do not want to say anything inconsequential. I cannot tell you how many times I listened to Kris's lyrics in awe - amazed at how he expressed himself and how it related to my own life and mind.

I am always looking for stimulation. I am often bored. I live for the moments when I can lose myself in pure emotion, pure thought; for the moments when my mind recoils in horror at being exposed to what it doesn't know, forced to put in the work to learn more. Or the moments when anxiety, worry, self-doubt and fear are quieted in my mind by music, poetry, philosophy.

Kris Kristofferson gave me all of that all the time. I was humbled to listen to him.

Carol and I saw him in concert at the Hampton Beach Casino. The band took a break - Kris walked out the big doors leading to the parking lot, I went to the men's room. Walking back, as I passed the doors, one swung open and in walked Kris - he passed within five feet of me. I said nothing - I was in awe. I should have shaken his hand, told him how much he meant to me. Still, I was purified by his aura.

We saw him in Keene - alone, on stage. Just Kris Kristofferson and his guitar - no band. It was so intimate it was mind blowing.

Bob Dylan - "Everything was very copacetic. Everything was all right until - Kris Kristofferson came to town. Oh, they ain't seen anybody like him. He came into town like a wildcat, flew his helicopter into Johnny Cash's backyard like a typical songwriter. And he went for the throat............................you can look at Nashville pre-Kris and post-Kris - because he changed everything." (Dylan - 2015).

I cannot choose my favorite Kris lyrics - but these always blow me away because it feels like they summarize an entire life, and the universal struggles and questions connected with just being human:

"Am I young enough to believe in revolution, am I strong enough to get down on my knees and pray, am I high enough on the chain of evolution to respect myself, and my brother and my sister, and perfect myself in my own peculiar way." From Pilgrim's Progress.

I loved you with my heart and soul, Kris Kristofferson. I always will. Your talent brought me such peace and joy, you added years to my life. You lived your life in fierce expression of your soul, no matter what.

It will take me a very long time to get over your death.

Requiescat in pace, Kris Kristofferson.

You have left a void in this world that will never be filled.

Dominoes

My generation is poised to endure a world of hurt.

Kris Kristofferson just died at the age of 88.

Wille Nelson is 91. Ringo Starr is 84. Paul McCartney is 82. Keith Richards is 80. Mick Jagger is 81. Bob Dylan is 83.

Those are the people who inspired my generation to be rebels. They are gods.

Elton John is 77. Billy Joel is 75. Bruce Springsteen is 75. Roger Daltry is 80. Pete Townshend is 79. Robby Krieger is 78. John Densmore is 79. Eric Clapton is 79. Paul Simon is 82. Robert Plant is 76. Jimmy Page is 80. Van Morrison is 79. Eric Burdon is 83.

I fear that when they fall, they will fall like dominoes. I have been thinking about this for a few years now. I pray that Kris Kristofferson does not start a trend.

It is painful to think about because of what they all represented - youth. Rebellion. Fierce iconoclasm.

But life, relentless as it is, is wearing them down, grinding them down, stealing their fire. Eventually, snuffing their lives. A lesson for everybody, but especially for my generation.

These people brought a new perspective to us and challenged us to live our lives boldly, in accordance with our souls, and against the ridiculous and suffocating rules that "normal" life imposes. In a way, they gave us false hope. Then again, they were inspiring - those of us who did not follow their religion can only blame themselves. And, most of them are still rocking, even now.

On one hand I appreciate everything they gave to us. Love it, actually. On the other hand, as they go, I know I - and most of my generation - will be devastated.

My generation is making room for the generations that followed us.

It is inevitable.