The Worst That Could Happen

 The worst moment of my day is the moment when I close my book, stand up from my recliner, pick up my coffee cup, and walk into the kitchen to dump what remains of the coffee - cold - into the sink. I seem to never be able to get through the entire cup.

I place the cup on the counter to the left of the double sink and hesitate before I take my next step. Because walking suggests that I am going to "do". I will be forced to engage with the world, whether I am prepared for that or not. (Usually, almost 100% of the time, not). Something I definitely don't enjoy.

I will have to make decisions, and decisions are double-edged swords. Did I make the right one? Will the results be good for me or bad for me. Will I go forward, backwards, or - worse still - stay in the same place.

I will be forced to do things I don't want to do. Haven't I earned the right to do only the things I do want to do? No, I have not.

I have noticed that I walk around the house slowly these days. Not because of age, I am still fairly vigorous. Not because of disease or because I am trying to conserve energy. I think maybe I am trying to slow down time. Or maybe my legs are just depressed. 

Studies show that when you are deeply depressed, that depression travels around your body. The brain cannot handle unrelenting depression - it will shut down and stop your heart from beating - so it farms it out throughout the body. Until it eventually cycles back around to your poor, ravaged brain. 

Besides, I hate people that walk ridiculously fast. You come across them too, right? Who are they trying to impress? What do they want you to think they are doing that is so important?

There's a guy who practically runs into the library, drops his book off on the desk, and runs out. Every time. I guarantee he has nothing that pressing in his life. Except maybe cocaine.

At some point during the day I will be forced to talk to other humans. Especially on days that I work - I am "in customer service." Doesn't sound as impressive as saying "I am a lawyer", "I am a doctor", "I am a research scientist", does it? 

Customer Service. A job that forces you to answer stupid questions, deal with perpetually disgruntled people, bat away stupid requests, and generally inconvenience yourself to satisfy the customer.

Different organizations have different approaches. Some expect you to bend over backwards to satisfy anything a customer wants, whether or not it is pertinent to the job or the business. Others are more realistic and require you only to do the job and say no to anything else. Those are my favorites.

Movie: From Dusk Till Dawn. Sign over the bartender's head in a Mexican bar - "The Customer is always wrong." That's my philosophy.

But even if I don't have to work that day I probably have to engage with other humans. It is a fucking chore. The pharmacy, the grocery store, a medical appointment (those are the worst), the liquor store. You actually have to talk to people, which is the worst possible form of torture.

You know, as I think about it, one of these days I am just going to stay in my recliner and keep reading. Let the fucking day slide right by me. Then the week. And the month.

What's the worst that could happen?