Something to think about as we rock into 2012:
"This year I will be more thoughtful of my fellow man, exert more effort in each of my endeavors professionally as well as personally. Take love wherever I find it, and offer it to everyone who will take it. In this coming year I will seek knowledge from those wiser than me and try to teach those who wish to learn from me. I love being alive and I will be the best man I possibly can."
Written by Duane Allman in his diary on New Year's Day 1969.
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Thinkin' 'Bout The Craig
Crawl home last night at 8:00 to an empty house. Sick. Tired. COLD. Just me and the cats. Scarf delightful pizza, a beer, settle in with some whiskey and Northern Exposure on DVD.
One of the coolest shows ever.
Theme song ends with a drum riff that ends precisely. My mind flashes back to Craig. He used to lie across my lap and I would drum the beat on his back, try to time it to end perfectly with the the TV. Sometimes I did, sometimes I didn't, but it was a cool ritual we had. Yeah, Dad you nailed it. Dad, you blew it. Very fond memory.
Craig was born on October 23, 1983 and immediately started messing with our heads. He was quite premature with complications and they took him away right off the bat to tend to him properly. He was in the hospital for quite a while and we were worried sick. Tough time for us. But he survived it and so did we.
If he didn't feel the intensity of his mother's love naturally upon birth, she demonstrated it to him the day we took him home. It had been pre-arranged, but when we called they said Dr. Feelgood was off that day and we would have to wait. Carol said BULLSHIT, we are coming right now and my baby better be ready. And we did exactly that. I cowered behind her skirt hoping not to get arrested as we bombed into that hospital and took our kid home. Awesome.
Since then we have watched him grow up. He always had a great sense of humor, always laughing and making others laugh, always easy going, except for his socks. Had to be put on precisely or he would go nuts. Carol would have to plan three hours in advance to get him out of the house. Wonder if that's Karen's job now.
As a teen he followed in his Daddy's footsteps; liked to party. Which ironically caused me a lot of worry. I was exactly the same way as a kid (still am now) and yet knowing he was doing it worried me. But he survived it and and so did we.
He still parties, but I suspect he is a lot smarter than I ever was. No drinking and driving. Drinking and driving was a sport to me. Sometimes I think the best things he has learned from me are the things NOT to do. That's OK.
First year of college we gave him a checking account and checkbook and he promptly demonstrated an inability to differentiate between a positive balance and a negative balance. Got a little crazy but he figured it out. Now he pays his bills promptly and actually has a savings account. Amazing. By the way, he graduated with a dual major. I am very proud of that. The only thing I graduated with was a hangover.
He got into the restaurant/bar business and has had jobs that he hated and jobs that he liked but he always worked his ass off and is now in a cool place where he is happy. He is now strictly a bartender, no bar-backing, no cooking. This is a job that fits him perfectly. He has the perfect personality to tend bar, people love to laugh with him and enjoy his unique insanity. He may become the greatest bartender that ever lived. No bias there.
But he ain't done. There is a restlessness there. Because he wants to improve his life. And he will. He has plenty of time to figure things out.
He and I used to drive the same car. Sort of. Pontiac Sunfire. Except his had a sunroof and a CD player, mine had the Fred Flinstone propulsive hole in the floor. Craig has recently moved on to a Dodge Charger. A big, black beautiful beast. I love it and so does he. The day he registered it, he had backed it into the yard. When I pulled into the driveway to check out his new baby I almost backed out. The damn thing was intimidating. Maybe some day he will pass it down to me when he moves up to his tricked out Mercedes two seater.
He took up golf this year and in typical "Craig the athlete" style attacked it vigorously. My spies tell me he kicks ass already.
And there is Karen. A magnificent lady with whom he is sharing his life and who is sharing her life with him. In Rocky, when Paulie asks Rocky what the attraction is to Adrian, Rocky says she fills gaps. "She's got gaps, I got gaps, we fill gaps." That probably describes lots of relationships, but I don't see that with C&K. They seem to be complimentary personalities that mesh beautifully. They were meant to be together, and that is a rare and beautiful thing.
I collapsed into my recliner to get some peace with Northern Exposure and ended up reflecting upon my son. I love him deeply. I am grateful to be able to laugh with him, talk with him and learn from him.
Just know that he is a funny, easy going, hard working, insane, loving guy who is preparing to conquer the world.
But don't take my word for it. Go to The Lab 'N Lager in Keene. Order a drink from him. Talk to him, soak up his personality, talk to his friends. You will dig him.
And make sure you tip him well.
One of the coolest shows ever.
Theme song ends with a drum riff that ends precisely. My mind flashes back to Craig. He used to lie across my lap and I would drum the beat on his back, try to time it to end perfectly with the the TV. Sometimes I did, sometimes I didn't, but it was a cool ritual we had. Yeah, Dad you nailed it. Dad, you blew it. Very fond memory.
Craig was born on October 23, 1983 and immediately started messing with our heads. He was quite premature with complications and they took him away right off the bat to tend to him properly. He was in the hospital for quite a while and we were worried sick. Tough time for us. But he survived it and so did we.
If he didn't feel the intensity of his mother's love naturally upon birth, she demonstrated it to him the day we took him home. It had been pre-arranged, but when we called they said Dr. Feelgood was off that day and we would have to wait. Carol said BULLSHIT, we are coming right now and my baby better be ready. And we did exactly that. I cowered behind her skirt hoping not to get arrested as we bombed into that hospital and took our kid home. Awesome.
Since then we have watched him grow up. He always had a great sense of humor, always laughing and making others laugh, always easy going, except for his socks. Had to be put on precisely or he would go nuts. Carol would have to plan three hours in advance to get him out of the house. Wonder if that's Karen's job now.
As a teen he followed in his Daddy's footsteps; liked to party. Which ironically caused me a lot of worry. I was exactly the same way as a kid (still am now) and yet knowing he was doing it worried me. But he survived it and and so did we.
He still parties, but I suspect he is a lot smarter than I ever was. No drinking and driving. Drinking and driving was a sport to me. Sometimes I think the best things he has learned from me are the things NOT to do. That's OK.
First year of college we gave him a checking account and checkbook and he promptly demonstrated an inability to differentiate between a positive balance and a negative balance. Got a little crazy but he figured it out. Now he pays his bills promptly and actually has a savings account. Amazing. By the way, he graduated with a dual major. I am very proud of that. The only thing I graduated with was a hangover.
He got into the restaurant/bar business and has had jobs that he hated and jobs that he liked but he always worked his ass off and is now in a cool place where he is happy. He is now strictly a bartender, no bar-backing, no cooking. This is a job that fits him perfectly. He has the perfect personality to tend bar, people love to laugh with him and enjoy his unique insanity. He may become the greatest bartender that ever lived. No bias there.
But he ain't done. There is a restlessness there. Because he wants to improve his life. And he will. He has plenty of time to figure things out.
He and I used to drive the same car. Sort of. Pontiac Sunfire. Except his had a sunroof and a CD player, mine had the Fred Flinstone propulsive hole in the floor. Craig has recently moved on to a Dodge Charger. A big, black beautiful beast. I love it and so does he. The day he registered it, he had backed it into the yard. When I pulled into the driveway to check out his new baby I almost backed out. The damn thing was intimidating. Maybe some day he will pass it down to me when he moves up to his tricked out Mercedes two seater.
He took up golf this year and in typical "Craig the athlete" style attacked it vigorously. My spies tell me he kicks ass already.
And there is Karen. A magnificent lady with whom he is sharing his life and who is sharing her life with him. In Rocky, when Paulie asks Rocky what the attraction is to Adrian, Rocky says she fills gaps. "She's got gaps, I got gaps, we fill gaps." That probably describes lots of relationships, but I don't see that with C&K. They seem to be complimentary personalities that mesh beautifully. They were meant to be together, and that is a rare and beautiful thing.
I collapsed into my recliner to get some peace with Northern Exposure and ended up reflecting upon my son. I love him deeply. I am grateful to be able to laugh with him, talk with him and learn from him.
Just know that he is a funny, easy going, hard working, insane, loving guy who is preparing to conquer the world.
But don't take my word for it. Go to The Lab 'N Lager in Keene. Order a drink from him. Talk to him, soak up his personality, talk to his friends. You will dig him.
And make sure you tip him well.
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Monday, January 2, 2012
The Day After
I am proud to say a new tradition has been initiated in 2012. The Annual Joe Testa Open House Birthday Bash.
The inaugural was held yesterday and the participants were Paula and Bill, Eddie and Rich. And of course me and Carol. Participating in spirit and by phone were Keith, Emily, Craig, Karen, Dina and Eric.
I feel compelled to note the attendees because they will be immortalized as this thing grows into a gala extravaganza. In five years I expect a crowd of 20 to 25 people including Keith Richards, Jack Nicholson, Johnny Depp and David Letterman, and a host of luminaries. The four physical attendees will be proud to reveal that they were in on the ground floor.
Had a great day. Had a great birthday.
Today is January 2, 2012 and I hope you are doing OK. 01/02 can be a bitch because it is all over, baby. Holidays gone, nothing ahead but cold and snow. It is a shock and it sucks. Many of you may have today off because the holiday is generally recognized today. I hope you have a beautiful day.
I had one day off for Thanksgiving, one day for Christmas, one day for New Year. Gotta work today. Even though state employees have the day off as a paid holiday. And I will not be paid time and a half. That royally sucks. No dignity at all. That's because I work for the liquor commission, an organization that cares only about business and nothing at all about their employees. The stores were open on New Year's day. How incredibly greedy and inconsiderate is that?
I know I speak for millions of people who are in the same boat as me. Low Wage Earners. People to whom holidays mean nothing because their employers don't allow them to mean anything.
It is a sad commentary on this country when business sucks the life out of the holidays. The holidays used to be sacred. No more.
Anyway, to Low Wage Earners everywhere, grit your teeth and grind through this day as many of your friends and relatives sit back in comfort and get paid for it. Gget home, have a drink and flip your middle finger to greedy, inconsiderate employers everywhere, especially The New Hampshire State Liquor Commission.
The inaugural was held yesterday and the participants were Paula and Bill, Eddie and Rich. And of course me and Carol. Participating in spirit and by phone were Keith, Emily, Craig, Karen, Dina and Eric.
I feel compelled to note the attendees because they will be immortalized as this thing grows into a gala extravaganza. In five years I expect a crowd of 20 to 25 people including Keith Richards, Jack Nicholson, Johnny Depp and David Letterman, and a host of luminaries. The four physical attendees will be proud to reveal that they were in on the ground floor.
Had a great day. Had a great birthday.
Today is January 2, 2012 and I hope you are doing OK. 01/02 can be a bitch because it is all over, baby. Holidays gone, nothing ahead but cold and snow. It is a shock and it sucks. Many of you may have today off because the holiday is generally recognized today. I hope you have a beautiful day.
I had one day off for Thanksgiving, one day for Christmas, one day for New Year. Gotta work today. Even though state employees have the day off as a paid holiday. And I will not be paid time and a half. That royally sucks. No dignity at all. That's because I work for the liquor commission, an organization that cares only about business and nothing at all about their employees. The stores were open on New Year's day. How incredibly greedy and inconsiderate is that?
I know I speak for millions of people who are in the same boat as me. Low Wage Earners. People to whom holidays mean nothing because their employers don't allow them to mean anything.
It is a sad commentary on this country when business sucks the life out of the holidays. The holidays used to be sacred. No more.
Anyway, to Low Wage Earners everywhere, grit your teeth and grind through this day as many of your friends and relatives sit back in comfort and get paid for it. Gget home, have a drink and flip your middle finger to greedy, inconsiderate employers everywhere, especially The New Hampshire State Liquor Commission.
Sunday, January 1, 2012
January 1, 2012 Version 3.0
It is 01/01/12.
I weigh 169 pounds.
I don't understand this. I have been sick and working hard. Only exercised twice in 14 days. Been eating delicacies fit for royalty. And yet................
I shall not question it. I needed SOMETHING to feel like an accomplishment and this is it.
There are those cynical few who think I am lying. Kiss my ass.
I did it, baby - I did it.
I weigh 169 pounds.
I don't understand this. I have been sick and working hard. Only exercised twice in 14 days. Been eating delicacies fit for royalty. And yet................
I shall not question it. I needed SOMETHING to feel like an accomplishment and this is it.
There are those cynical few who think I am lying. Kiss my ass.
I did it, baby - I did it.
January 1, 2012 Version 2.0
And let me tell you something else on January 1, 2012. I will keep fighting to change my life this year. Hard. There is no turning back now. I am consumed, it is my driving force. I really want to permanently shut the mouths of those my age who think I am wasting my time. But way more importantly than that, I want to burn that cheap suit and glory in the sheer magnificence of a life lived in sync with my soul.
(Editor's Note - This is the original last paragraph of my birthday homage. For some strange and unfathomable reason, the blog wouldn't allow me to post the thing in it's entirety. Too wordy, perhaps? Ah yes, you know me well. But dig it, baby - it is who I am.)
(Editor's Note - This is the original last paragraph of my birthday homage. For some strange and unfathomable reason, the blog wouldn't allow me to post the thing in it's entirety. Too wordy, perhaps? Ah yes, you know me well. But dig it, baby - it is who I am.)
January 1, 2012. My 58th birthday.
And so it's my birthday. And what have I done.
Spent the last two weeks staggering, tripping, lurching and crawling just to get here. Six days at The Booze Emporium, one day on Christmas to breathe in love. Three more days, then one very sick one on the recliner, then New Year's Eve Eve and finally, New Year's Eve at TBE. Been very sick, it has been very rugged.
And here I am. January 1, 2012. I have always loved that my birthday is on New Year's Day. It adds a touch of magic and awe, makes it a little more special.
I'm not sure my parents felt the same magic. I screwed them out of a tax deduction for 1953 and I wasn't even the first kid born in the new year. On top of that my birth was a difficult one and I was dragged out with a pointed head. My father thought there was something wrong with me. He may have been right.
I was born on January 1, 1954. My father, Tony, was born on June 15, 1920. That always sounded so ancient to me when I was a kid. Until I got older and had heard all the stories and appreciated what a different and very cool time that was. My father was born in Isernia, Italy. That alone is very cool and what he overcame to make it in this country as a kid, not even speaking the language when the family first came over, is strong stuff.
1954 never sounded ancient to me but I bet it does to my kids. That is one of those weird things about life. We all live the same life and think that we don't. My grandfather was born in 1890 and I bet my Dad thought that sounded ancient.
I think about the changes my grandfather and father witnessed in their lives and it is mind blowing. I think about the world changing in my 58 years. When I was born there were no eight tracks, cassettes, Cd's, boom boxes, desk top computers, cell phones, microwaves, remote controls, automatic car starters and lock and unlock thingys, and a million other things I don't have the energy to remember right now. Carol and I were making quite merry last night.
THERE WERE NO BEATLES, FOR CHRIST SAKE.
And now I hold this tiny device in my hand that holds all of the music I have loved and collected in my lifetime, literally at my fingertips.
I can dig it. I like it. Change is good. I became all about change in 2011.
I did a very dangerous thing last year. I created hope. I convinced myself that I could change my life. And I dedicated myself to doing that. After decades of hiding and avoiding hope, I gave birth to it, put it out there in the open and used it to get me moving. I may have set myself up for the ultimate heartbreak. But I don't think so.
My life has always fit me like a cheap suit. You put the damn thing on trying to look good, but its tight across the back, the sleeves are a little too short, it bunches up at the waist when you button it. You know it doesn't fit, everybody who knows you understands that it is a cheap suit, but you keep putting the damn thing on day after day after decade after half a life.
I am not going to wear that suit anymore. I am going to fit myself with a buttery soft, tailored suit that fits me like my own skin. When I walk out of the house wearing that suit people will stop and stare, thinking "my god that suit must have cost $3500." I am the only one who knows that suit cost me 43 years of my life.
I have a taste for it because the personal part of my life has always fit me like a tailored suit. I met Carol Sargent in 1972, she became my wife in 1978, Keith was born in 1980, Craig in 1983. Keith married Emily and Craig is a-courting Karen. These people define my life. They make it beautiful. They are my warmth, my light, my peace, my love. My brother is amazing. I need to create a new word to describe him other than brother because he transcends that. I love him, I respect him, he is intelligent and funny and sensitive. He is a genuine human being in all the best characteristics possible. I have made close, amazing friends along the way and I am grateful. My man Patrick called me last night to wish me a happy birthday and I thought that was so cool. He's a goddamn jets fan, you wouldn't think he would have the sensitivity to think about a friend on his birthday.
I'm creating a new tradition this year. Joe Testa's Open House Birthday Bash. I never forced my family to celebrate my birthday because January 1 is a tough day for everyone. Unfortunately what began to happen is that it just didn't get celebrated. I let it go because I thought less of myself then.
No more.
Might only have four people over here today. They are people I care about. And we will have a good time. Nothing formal. Easy flowing and easy going. I want to have a good time on my birthday. What I envision is this thing evolving over the years to the point where maybe I have 15 or 20 people over here. Once people realize that I will not give in, and this is the way I want my birthday celebrated, they will plan for it.
Today marks the beginning of a new way to celebrate the birth of Joseph Richard Testa.
Spent the last two weeks staggering, tripping, lurching and crawling just to get here. Six days at The Booze Emporium, one day on Christmas to breathe in love. Three more days, then one very sick one on the recliner, then New Year's Eve Eve and finally, New Year's Eve at TBE. Been very sick, it has been very rugged.
And here I am. January 1, 2012. I have always loved that my birthday is on New Year's Day. It adds a touch of magic and awe, makes it a little more special.
I'm not sure my parents felt the same magic. I screwed them out of a tax deduction for 1953 and I wasn't even the first kid born in the new year. On top of that my birth was a difficult one and I was dragged out with a pointed head. My father thought there was something wrong with me. He may have been right.
I was born on January 1, 1954. My father, Tony, was born on June 15, 1920. That always sounded so ancient to me when I was a kid. Until I got older and had heard all the stories and appreciated what a different and very cool time that was. My father was born in Isernia, Italy. That alone is very cool and what he overcame to make it in this country as a kid, not even speaking the language when the family first came over, is strong stuff.
1954 never sounded ancient to me but I bet it does to my kids. That is one of those weird things about life. We all live the same life and think that we don't. My grandfather was born in 1890 and I bet my Dad thought that sounded ancient.
I think about the changes my grandfather and father witnessed in their lives and it is mind blowing. I think about the world changing in my 58 years. When I was born there were no eight tracks, cassettes, Cd's, boom boxes, desk top computers, cell phones, microwaves, remote controls, automatic car starters and lock and unlock thingys, and a million other things I don't have the energy to remember right now. Carol and I were making quite merry last night.
THERE WERE NO BEATLES, FOR CHRIST SAKE.
And now I hold this tiny device in my hand that holds all of the music I have loved and collected in my lifetime, literally at my fingertips.
I can dig it. I like it. Change is good. I became all about change in 2011.
I did a very dangerous thing last year. I created hope. I convinced myself that I could change my life. And I dedicated myself to doing that. After decades of hiding and avoiding hope, I gave birth to it, put it out there in the open and used it to get me moving. I may have set myself up for the ultimate heartbreak. But I don't think so.
My life has always fit me like a cheap suit. You put the damn thing on trying to look good, but its tight across the back, the sleeves are a little too short, it bunches up at the waist when you button it. You know it doesn't fit, everybody who knows you understands that it is a cheap suit, but you keep putting the damn thing on day after day after decade after half a life.
I am not going to wear that suit anymore. I am going to fit myself with a buttery soft, tailored suit that fits me like my own skin. When I walk out of the house wearing that suit people will stop and stare, thinking "my god that suit must have cost $3500." I am the only one who knows that suit cost me 43 years of my life.
I have a taste for it because the personal part of my life has always fit me like a tailored suit. I met Carol Sargent in 1972, she became my wife in 1978, Keith was born in 1980, Craig in 1983. Keith married Emily and Craig is a-courting Karen. These people define my life. They make it beautiful. They are my warmth, my light, my peace, my love. My brother is amazing. I need to create a new word to describe him other than brother because he transcends that. I love him, I respect him, he is intelligent and funny and sensitive. He is a genuine human being in all the best characteristics possible. I have made close, amazing friends along the way and I am grateful. My man Patrick called me last night to wish me a happy birthday and I thought that was so cool. He's a goddamn jets fan, you wouldn't think he would have the sensitivity to think about a friend on his birthday.
I'm creating a new tradition this year. Joe Testa's Open House Birthday Bash. I never forced my family to celebrate my birthday because January 1 is a tough day for everyone. Unfortunately what began to happen is that it just didn't get celebrated. I let it go because I thought less of myself then.
No more.
Might only have four people over here today. They are people I care about. And we will have a good time. Nothing formal. Easy flowing and easy going. I want to have a good time on my birthday. What I envision is this thing evolving over the years to the point where maybe I have 15 or 20 people over here. Once people realize that I will not give in, and this is the way I want my birthday celebrated, they will plan for it.
Today marks the beginning of a new way to celebrate the birth of Joseph Richard Testa.
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