"The evil that men do lives after them; the good is oft interred with their bones."
Shakespeare - "Julius Caesar"
Monday, July 6, 2015
A Severe Summer Warning
Please be exceptionally careful.
Two of the three major summer weekends have gone by.
Memorial Day.
July 4th.
All we have left is Labor Day weekend and you don't want that bastard to come around too soon.
This is the way summer works, isn't it?
You wait for it, pray for it, anticipate it with all its slow moving sweet warmth and outdoor fun.
Shorts and T-shirts.
Suddenly you look up and it is racing away from you. You reach out desperately to grab a hold of it to slow it down but it cannot be done.
You fall down with the effort as summer shows you its back.
As it stands today you have 60 days to fill with life, love and fun before Labor Day wrestles you to the ground.
If you do not do so you are a fool.
If you do not do so, before you know it, you will be standing by the side of the road where your car skidded off when you hit a patch of black ice.
Your car will be on its side, you will be a little shaken and a lot pissed as you try to call for help and realize your cell phone battery is dead.
You are standing knee deep in wet snow as a snowstorm rages around you.
You are cursing yourself for not making the most of that brief, tiny little thing called summer.
You are wondering who the hell invented New England.
Two of the three major summer weekends have gone by.
Memorial Day.
July 4th.
All we have left is Labor Day weekend and you don't want that bastard to come around too soon.
This is the way summer works, isn't it?
You wait for it, pray for it, anticipate it with all its slow moving sweet warmth and outdoor fun.
Shorts and T-shirts.
Suddenly you look up and it is racing away from you. You reach out desperately to grab a hold of it to slow it down but it cannot be done.
You fall down with the effort as summer shows you its back.
As it stands today you have 60 days to fill with life, love and fun before Labor Day wrestles you to the ground.
If you do not do so you are a fool.
If you do not do so, before you know it, you will be standing by the side of the road where your car skidded off when you hit a patch of black ice.
Your car will be on its side, you will be a little shaken and a lot pissed as you try to call for help and realize your cell phone battery is dead.
You are standing knee deep in wet snow as a snowstorm rages around you.
You are cursing yourself for not making the most of that brief, tiny little thing called summer.
You are wondering who the hell invented New England.
Saturday, July 4, 2015
We Reval Ourselves Through Our Sarcasm
"How you doin'?"
"Livin' the dream."
"How you doin'?"
"Oh I'm doin'".
And so on and so forth.
These are the phrases we say and hear every day.
Especially when you work in retail. In retail you hear this stuff over and over and over again every day.
On the surface they are designed to put a positive spin on things in their weak attempt at humor.
Below the surface they reveal the sad truth of our lives, which is that we will never have what we want or live the way we want to live.
"Livin' the dream."
"How you doin'?"
"Oh I'm doin'".
And so on and so forth.
These are the phrases we say and hear every day.
Especially when you work in retail. In retail you hear this stuff over and over and over again every day.
On the surface they are designed to put a positive spin on things in their weak attempt at humor.
Below the surface they reveal the sad truth of our lives, which is that we will never have what we want or live the way we want to live.
Hey Moe!
I felt hollow all week long.
Thin, transparent, hollowed out and practically non-existent.
Back to work syndrome.
I took ten days off from HELL at the end of June. June 19 - June 28. Didn't tell you about it.
Apparently it was a closely held secret.
I spent that time beautifully. Read a lot, exercised a lot, researched job opportunities a lot, applied for jobs, listened to music, cooked, visited my brother, enjoyed a magnificent Father's Day, spent a day with Carol.
The vacation was designed to re-shape my mind and habits and attitudes so I can get on with my life.
Nothing takes when you are consumed with hate.
Monday, June 29 I was back on the job and deeply back into the juvenile, meaningless shit I have to deal with as a result of who I work with and what I do.
The vacation didn't take.
I presume that if you are living your life in accordance with your soul, a vacation is a delightful interlude. Something that nurtures and heals you, allowing you to breathe. So that when you return to the workplace you are rested and positive.
I doubt that is true of most people. I think my experience is probably more honest.
A vacation serves as more of an escape, so it is tinged with negativity. I tried hard to turn my time off into something positive and to avoid experiencing it as an escape.
My emotions upon returning to The Asylum exposed the truth.
Maybe I expect too much. Ten days of introspection and mind altering are not enough to explode into a new reality. At least not for me.
I staggered through the week. I have not exercised once this week and that is the first time that has happened since May 1.
My mindset was negative and horrified.
Change must happen from within. I know that, and that is what I am trying to achieve.
Wasting ten work related hours a day is not conducive to internal change.
Not without superhuman effort.
Thank God I have three days off. Sat, Sun and Mon.
Three more days to try to re-set my mind and therefore my reality.
I'm under a lot of pressure.
Feels like I have to move forward in 2015 or I will slide backwards in 2016.
I have no room for backwards.
I have a friend who used to claim that odd numbered years were good for him, even numbered years were bad.
I used to think that was stupid.
I am beginning to think there is wisdom in that.
In addition I have the added pressure of weather.
Warm weather is good for me, cold weather is anathema.
Not much of 2015 left. Precious little "warm" weather left.
As verbalized by a character in a Three Stooges short, and paraphrased by me - I feel like the Sword of Damocles is hanging over my head.
Thin, transparent, hollowed out and practically non-existent.
Back to work syndrome.
I took ten days off from HELL at the end of June. June 19 - June 28. Didn't tell you about it.
Apparently it was a closely held secret.
I spent that time beautifully. Read a lot, exercised a lot, researched job opportunities a lot, applied for jobs, listened to music, cooked, visited my brother, enjoyed a magnificent Father's Day, spent a day with Carol.
The vacation was designed to re-shape my mind and habits and attitudes so I can get on with my life.
Nothing takes when you are consumed with hate.
Monday, June 29 I was back on the job and deeply back into the juvenile, meaningless shit I have to deal with as a result of who I work with and what I do.
The vacation didn't take.
I presume that if you are living your life in accordance with your soul, a vacation is a delightful interlude. Something that nurtures and heals you, allowing you to breathe. So that when you return to the workplace you are rested and positive.
I doubt that is true of most people. I think my experience is probably more honest.
A vacation serves as more of an escape, so it is tinged with negativity. I tried hard to turn my time off into something positive and to avoid experiencing it as an escape.
My emotions upon returning to The Asylum exposed the truth.
Maybe I expect too much. Ten days of introspection and mind altering are not enough to explode into a new reality. At least not for me.
I staggered through the week. I have not exercised once this week and that is the first time that has happened since May 1.
My mindset was negative and horrified.
Change must happen from within. I know that, and that is what I am trying to achieve.
Wasting ten work related hours a day is not conducive to internal change.
Not without superhuman effort.
Thank God I have three days off. Sat, Sun and Mon.
Three more days to try to re-set my mind and therefore my reality.
I'm under a lot of pressure.
Feels like I have to move forward in 2015 or I will slide backwards in 2016.
I have no room for backwards.
I have a friend who used to claim that odd numbered years were good for him, even numbered years were bad.
I used to think that was stupid.
I am beginning to think there is wisdom in that.
In addition I have the added pressure of weather.
Warm weather is good for me, cold weather is anathema.
Not much of 2015 left. Precious little "warm" weather left.
As verbalized by a character in a Three Stooges short, and paraphrased by me - I feel like the Sword of Damocles is hanging over my head.
Random Delights
As detailed in the previous post, I was feeling quite thin this week.
Like a ghost.
Driving to work yesterday, I pop "Blood and Candle Smoke" into the magical CD player. Tom Russell.
This CD is so rich in music, lyrics, cultural references and just plain "feel" that I love it deeply.
It filled me up.
Once again I was grateful and amazed at the way music can sweep all the bullshit aside and make you feel like a human being.
My mind was engaged, my emotions were true and I brushed close up against a feeling of self worth.
Tom Russell was introduced into my life in the way I enjoy the most.
Randomly.
I devour music, read about it, hear about it, watch and listen to it being performed. I am somewhat knowledgeable.
However not everything can be known.
Tom Russell performed on Letterman years ago. Didn't know the man, never heard of him, never heard from him.
He sang "East of Woodstock, West of Viet Nam" and I was stunned. Hooked.
Purchased "Blood and Candle Smoke", which contains that song, and was overwhelmed by the depth of all of the music on the CD.
My earliest random discovery was Billy Joel.
My mother used to watch The Mike Douglas show in the afternoon. I came home from school one day and there was Billy Joel singing "New York State of Mind."
I loved it. So soulful. Making New York feel like a small town. I own pounds of Billy Joel music today.
My favorite random discovery is Leonard Cohen.
We went to see "Natural Born Killers" in 1994. Leonard Cohen had a couple of songs on the soundtrack.
I was blown away. Absolutely in love with the lyrics and his style. Who is this guy?
Bear in mind Mr. Cohen was already 60 years old at the time and had already achieved fame and fortune as a poet, writer, lyricist and performer.
I was too closed in to be aware of him.
I fell in love with everything about the man and he is now one of my all time favorite artists and human beings.
Not bad for random, eh?
By the way, my son Craig was 11 years old when we took him to see "Natural Born Killers." It caused quite a stir in the movie theater.
That was great fun.
Again, in keeping with the theme of the previous post, "Blood and Candle Smoke" did not take.
I walked through the gates of HELL and had a miserable day at work. Could not call up Tom Russell's magic to save me.
However it is there for me whenever I need it, and thank Christ for that.
Along with Billy Joel and Leonard Cohen and....................................................
Like a ghost.
Driving to work yesterday, I pop "Blood and Candle Smoke" into the magical CD player. Tom Russell.
This CD is so rich in music, lyrics, cultural references and just plain "feel" that I love it deeply.
It filled me up.
Once again I was grateful and amazed at the way music can sweep all the bullshit aside and make you feel like a human being.
My mind was engaged, my emotions were true and I brushed close up against a feeling of self worth.
Tom Russell was introduced into my life in the way I enjoy the most.
Randomly.
I devour music, read about it, hear about it, watch and listen to it being performed. I am somewhat knowledgeable.
However not everything can be known.
Tom Russell performed on Letterman years ago. Didn't know the man, never heard of him, never heard from him.
He sang "East of Woodstock, West of Viet Nam" and I was stunned. Hooked.
Purchased "Blood and Candle Smoke", which contains that song, and was overwhelmed by the depth of all of the music on the CD.
My earliest random discovery was Billy Joel.
My mother used to watch The Mike Douglas show in the afternoon. I came home from school one day and there was Billy Joel singing "New York State of Mind."
I loved it. So soulful. Making New York feel like a small town. I own pounds of Billy Joel music today.
My favorite random discovery is Leonard Cohen.
We went to see "Natural Born Killers" in 1994. Leonard Cohen had a couple of songs on the soundtrack.
I was blown away. Absolutely in love with the lyrics and his style. Who is this guy?
Bear in mind Mr. Cohen was already 60 years old at the time and had already achieved fame and fortune as a poet, writer, lyricist and performer.
I was too closed in to be aware of him.
I fell in love with everything about the man and he is now one of my all time favorite artists and human beings.
Not bad for random, eh?
By the way, my son Craig was 11 years old when we took him to see "Natural Born Killers." It caused quite a stir in the movie theater.
That was great fun.
Again, in keeping with the theme of the previous post, "Blood and Candle Smoke" did not take.
I walked through the gates of HELL and had a miserable day at work. Could not call up Tom Russell's magic to save me.
However it is there for me whenever I need it, and thank Christ for that.
Along with Billy Joel and Leonard Cohen and....................................................
Friday, July 3, 2015
On a Mission From God
Carol and I went food shopping Wednesday night.
We got a new thing. We shop once a month.
It works. We got it down.
And the fridge looks magnificent on that first night of food.
Crammed, stuffed and jammed.
The end of the month looks scarce. Scuttling by on yogurt and cat food.
A fun experiment.
It rained while we were shopping and when we came out of The Infamous Market Basket we spied a rainbow.
A glorious, bright, specific, crystal clear rainbow.
It is a sign.
In July I will lose 15 pounds.
In July I will get a new job.
In July I will hit Power Ball and quit my new job.
In July I will publish my first novel.
In July I will achieve supreme happiness and hold it close to my heart for the remainder of my days in this life.
(Editor's note: May was a glorious month and it gave me hope. June was a pain in the ass. Up and down and generally not summer-like. Today is July 3. When I crawled out of bed it was fifty degrees.
I was cold. COLD. In July. It should be 90 degrees every day of July. Summer is slipping away; it is running away and I am disgusted. I despair of ever experiencing the consistent inside-out warmth I need to function at maximum capability.)
We got a new thing. We shop once a month.
It works. We got it down.
And the fridge looks magnificent on that first night of food.
Crammed, stuffed and jammed.
The end of the month looks scarce. Scuttling by on yogurt and cat food.
A fun experiment.
It rained while we were shopping and when we came out of The Infamous Market Basket we spied a rainbow.
A glorious, bright, specific, crystal clear rainbow.
It is a sign.
In July I will lose 15 pounds.
In July I will get a new job.
In July I will hit Power Ball and quit my new job.
In July I will publish my first novel.
In July I will achieve supreme happiness and hold it close to my heart for the remainder of my days in this life.
(Editor's note: May was a glorious month and it gave me hope. June was a pain in the ass. Up and down and generally not summer-like. Today is July 3. When I crawled out of bed it was fifty degrees.
I was cold. COLD. In July. It should be 90 degrees every day of July. Summer is slipping away; it is running away and I am disgusted. I despair of ever experiencing the consistent inside-out warmth I need to function at maximum capability.)
Wednesday, July 1, 2015
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