Six Words

"Live every day like it's your last".

Excellent advice. Nobody does it. It's impossible.

You get distracted. Work. Worry. Bills. The ironic truth that life is never what you thought it would be, and the way that reality dulls your mind, slows you down, and suffocates your emotions.

They are good words but they bounce off us like a rubber ball.

Except the other day. I was driving home listening to the radio when someone added six words to the phrase that floored me.

"Live every day like it's your last................because one day it will be".

The additional words shouldn't add any more weight to the sentiment; they don't change the message. But they amplify it by expressing what is implied.

Hearing it said that way knocked me out. Which was dangerous because I was behind the wheel of my brand new hot rod.

So, yeah - try to enjoy your day. Try to make the most of it. 

It's hot today. I exercised but did not achieve the desired cathartic effect because it is too damn hot. I'm a little down but fighting back. Tired.

Maybe I'll wait for tomorrow for fun to come rolling in.

And Four Becomes Two

Some people are lucky enough to have weekends, although I am convinced that does not represent reality for the majority of workers anymore.

Two days.

I am lucky. My weekends are four days. But after only two weeks back to work, four may as well be two.

Isn't that just like a human?

As I move through those four days it feels luxurious. Until I get to Tuesday. Staring down the barrel of Wednesday, Thursday and Friday.

Then I wonder what the hell I accomplished in those four days. Anything positive? Moving forward?

Apparently I have not yet learned to think incrementally versus apocalyptically.

Life is...........................

I am in a room upstairs.

Sitting behind my laptop in front of a window.

I see an endless parade of FedEx trucks, UPS trucks, Amazon trucks.

That defines life right now as well as anything else.

Marc Maron (Again?)

I have been listening to Marc Maron a lot more recently.

That is because I figured out I can listen to his podcast in my car. If I was 40 years old I would not have had to figure that out. It would have been intuitive knowledge. It took me about two weeks with the new car to figure out that I needed to connect my phone to access GPS.

In my defense, the 2011 Hyundai I owned had GPS as an option on the menu. Did not need a phone. The 2020 is a rolling computer. There are so many menu options that I assumed I was just looking in the wrong places. Scrolled through every fucking option, touched every icon I could touch on the touch screen, and then scrolled again and touched again - no GPS.

One day, after dropping acid, it came to me in a dream - plug in the phone, motherfucker. I was off and running.

Marc Maron is a smart guy. A sensitive guy. A funny guy. An honest guy. An honest guy to the point of rawness. Self aware and unafraid to express that part of him. 

He is one of the pioneers of podcasts. Been doing it for 11 years.

His girlfriend died unexpectedly in May of this year. It has devastated him. His 16 year old cat is on the verge of death and it freaks Marc out. He is a cat lover on the magnitude of my own cat love. He is dealing with coronavirus on his own - no more girlfriend. He is a recovering alcoholic and drug addict and has not relapsed. I respect him for that.

I love his honesty the most. He doesn't sugarcoat anything. He opens every podcast with about a ten minute talk. Often about coronavirus for the last few months.

He talks about how it freaks him out, how he has no clue how it will end or if it will end, how it depresses him, he talks about how fucking weird and backwards and upside down life is right now. He opens up his heart and soul.

I hate all this "we are all in this together" shit. On one level we are, on a more honest level we are not. There are fuckheads out there trying to kill me by not wearing masks.

I hate all the feelgood commercials trying to make it look like there is a future after covid. Like these corporations are our friends and only want the best for us.

They want to sell us shit. Period. I know. I bought a Hyundai. I want to believe in a future after covid but I think whatever future that is will be broken, and a lot of people will suffer and be unhappy for a long time.

Marc talks like this. But he also manages to make me laugh, somehow, during these reflections. I appreciate this.

That's why I love dark humor. Dark humor is based in honesty.

I want the honesty. Don't blow smoke up my ass. I am 66 years old and have lost a year of my life. I could easily die from one random contact, one small slip-up, one fucking mistake. I am afraid. I am depressed. I am angry.

Marc weaves intelligent thought, informed opinions and humor in with his commentary on just how horrible this situation is. He expresses himself in exactly the way I think.

If you expect me to listen to you, do not give me phony optimism. Admit that you are afraid. Everything is aligned against us, especially the current administration that is responsible for protecting us.

I have come to love and respect Marc Maron. For the person he is and for the way he expresses harsh truths and colors them with a sense of humor. I would love to shoot the shit with him.

Who I Am (in part)

I am sitting at my kitchen table with the laptop in front of me.

There are books scattered around. Two sit side by side. Actually one book and one dust jacket.

"The Jordan Rules". It has a close up of Michael Jordan on the cover. The dust jacket - "Lou Reed - A Life". It has an in your face picture of Lou Reed on the cover.

These two men could not be more different. Could not have lived more different lives.

I recently read "The Jordan Rules". I am currently reading "Lou Reed".

The scope of the people who interest me defies categorization.

What We Have Learned

We now know, per our experiences as American citizens since January 20, 2017, is that under a corrupt administration we the people are helpless. Defenseless.

We can die, we can go bankrupt, we can lose our homes, we can be subjected to state sanctioned violence, and there is nowhere to turn for justice or protection.

That is a sobering thought in a country based on lofty ideals.

Two Thoughts

Eventually you reach a point in life where there are no more excuses.

When your cat curls up in your lap and goes to sleep, in trust and in love, that is one of the most peaceful moments you can experience.