As I was driving down the highway yesterday, driving from point A to point B, taking care of business, I decided to indulge myself.
I took the long view down the highway and pretended that I was just starting out on a journey of 3,000 miles. To start a brand new life. A completely different existence in a completely different place.
Fresh and exciting. A journey to happiness.
For a brief moment my mind bought it and the endorphins kicked in. Big time.
What a rush.
Feeling thoughtful today.
I am enjoying Day Four of five days off.
Strange week coming up. Carol is leaving on Thursday for a few days of Madness-Insanity-and Debauchery with her aunt, her sister, her cousin, and her sister-in-law at The Beach.
I will roll out of bed at 5:15 on Thursday morning (my favorite thing to do). When I get home on Thursday night it will be me and Maka. Got Thursday night, Friday night, and all day Saturday to myself.
In the old days I would have set up a couple of nights out for myself and tried to not get arrested. That thought process is no longer relative.
I am looking for peacefulness this week.
I will miss Carol a lot - an empty bed will be strange. Married 43 years and rarely apart.
Thursday night kicks off my short term bachelorhood in style - first game of the 2021 NFL season. For the rest of the deal I will probably write a lot, watch movies, watch sports, READ, eat frozen Boston Market meals - (why the fuck should I cook - I feel compelled to maximize my parole time).
Thursday and Friday will be tough emotionally for me because Maka is not feeling well and is not used to being alone. She is 18 years old and has required special care lately. But I will shower her with love when I get home and our relationship will save us both.
Carol and I have been married for 43 years and are in the detente portion of our relationship. Kind of like the U.S. military working with the taliban. She drives me nuts, I drive her nuts, but we have found a middle ground that is a pretty nice space. That's how long term marriage works.
My point is that I am not looking for insanity, I am not pleased that Carol will not be around. I am merely looking forward to a change of atmosphere.
Strangely enough I am considering buying myself a special bottle of whiskey on Thursday. Michter's. I recently discovered it and it is delicious. Not really sure why I want to do that. No, I am not going to get drunk. It just feels like if I am going to pamper myself doing what I want to do when I want to do it, it seems like a special beverage will be a perfect complement, an enjoyable indulgence.
So there you have it. A few days of different - nothing more, nothing less.
Good for Carol and The Wild Bunch. Good for me.
I was daydreaming today about what could have been.
I always assume that if I could have had a real career that was meaningful to me, it would have been as a writer.
The thought crept into my brain today that maybe the ultimate career for me would have been as a bluesman.
I can see myself in that way. Small scale. I can see myself on the road, respected and beloved. Playing hundreds of dates in funky, small, out of the way places. Only in warm climates.
Worn work boots, dirty jeans, a black Gibson guitar, a shot and a beer at every stop where everybody knows me and everybody is my friend.
Gritty, talented, wizened, confident, wise, battered and cautious.
Satisfied.
Wife: "You're not going to heat up that leftover meatloaf?"
Husband: "I deserve no better than cold, leftover meatloaf. You know it, I know it, and most importantly - my dead parents know it."
There was something chilling in his words.
Having a hard time with this one.
Deaths that are close to me - family members - people that matter - result in the involuntary head shake reflex. Every time my brain randomly acknowledges this person has died, I involuntarily shake my head. As if I can't believe it. As if I refuse to admit it.
I have shaken my head many times since Charlie died.
Sirius XM has been paying tribute to Charlie and The Stones since he died and will continue through Labor Day. Doing all kinds of stuff. Playing the music, playing quotes from Ronnie, Mick, Charlie and Keith, playing quotes of other musicians, having guest DJ's play their favorite Stones songs.
I tried in a previous post to express what Charlie's death means to me. Rob Thomas did it better.
He was guest DJ-ing and he said Charlie Watts death feels like "the beginning of the end of an era."
Fucking perfect. That is it exactly.
John Lennon was murdered in 1980. He was forty years old. It did not feel like the beginning of the end because it was unnatural.
George Harrison died in 2001 from lung cancer that had spread to his brain. He was 58 years old. It did not feel like the beginning of the end because it was unnatural.
Charlie Watts was 80 years old. He lived a life. A full and very good life. A life that included a 58 year career with The Stones. That is a rich and fulfilling career by anyone's standard.
Paul McCartney is 79 years old. Ringo Starr is 81 years old. Ronnie Wood is 74 years old. Mick Jagger is 78 years old. Keith Richards is 77 years old.
I fear that Charlie was the first domino to fall. I fervently hope I am wrong, at least in the short run. I believe if your career is built around something you truly love, you tend to live longer. Happiness and contentment are powerful medications, unbeatable defenses against the foreboding relentlessness of time.
I loved Charlie Watts the man. The coolest of the cool. The most unlikely human to sit on stage behind Mick and Keith. The man with the perpetually sardonic smile who worshipped jazz over rock 'n roll. The man who laughed at the inconsequential trappings of rock stardom.
He was fiercely unique in the quietest of ways.
His death very definitely feels like the beginning of the end of an era. When Paul, Ringo, Ronnie, Mick and Keith are gone there will be a hole in the musical universe that can never be filled. Their absence will carry an indefinable weight, but a weight that my generation will carry on its shoulders until we too are gone.
But the shockwaves they created will go on forever, and thank god for that.
This is why the death of Charlie Watts is incomprehensible to me.
I have been listening to The Stones non-stop since Charlie Watts died.
I am meticulous about how I set up my sound system in my car. Side to side, front to back, bass, midrange and treble. I will spend some time getting it right. Recently I re-arranged it and the result was that the sound was in my face - in a good way - and I had to turn the volume down a bit from the level I usually employ.
BUT, since I have been listening to The Stones I have been cranking it and it feels so right.
Editor's Note - The Stones released the album Let It Bleed in 1969. Either in the liner notes or on the label of the record is the advice: "This Record Should Be Played Loud."
"So if you're down on your luck and you can't harmonize, find a girl with far away eyes. And if you're downright disgusted, and life ain't worth a dime, get a girl with far away eyes."
The song is called Far Away Eyes and it is a quirky, funky song. The lyrics take some shots at preachers on gospel radio from back in the day. Funny stuff. A wistful song too. You should check it out.
When I tended bar at the Legion I used to sing this song with another guy when it popped up on the jukebox. This guy was a genuine tough guy, straight from Scotland or Ireland, complete with accent. We had zero in common. But when this song came on we stood side by side and belted it out.
Waiting On A Friend. One of my favorite Stones songs. This may surprise you because it is a delicate song but I love the lyrics and how the tone of the music suits the lyrics perfectly. Just a guy going out to meet up with a friend. "I'm not waiting on a lady, I'm just waiting on a friend."
I love the video. Shows Mick and Keith making their way to a little corner bar. Ronnie, Charlie and Bill Wyman (bass player until1992) are already in the bar. They hang at the bar for a minute or two, then make their way to the small stage set up in the back.
This is not so far fetched. Before every tour back in the day, The Stones would make an unannounced visit to a small bar, just to get their juices flowing.
I met a guy who witnessed this in a bar in New York city. He was getting up to leave and the bartender told him he could not. Said the doors were locked - no one else was coming in, nobody was leaving. The guy asked what the fuck was going on? The bartender said you'll see.
Minutes later The Stones came from out back and onto the stage. This guy told me it was one of the best moments of his life.
I believe him.
Sympathy For The Devil. One of my favorites of the favorites. An evil little ditty with a menacing mood to it. I know every word, I can air guitar every lick perfectly.
One time at the Legion, I was quite drunk when Sympathy came on the jukebox. I climbed up on a table and sang along and played killer air guitar. Mercifully (for me and my audience), my friends coaxed me down before the song ended. I made a real ass of myself but, you know what? It felt oh so good.
I have seen The Stones live twice, and thank god for that. The Steel Wheels Tour in 1989; The Voodoo Lounge Tour in 1994.
Our seats were a million miles away in a giant stadium and we had to watch the video screen to get any close-ups, BUT it was the fucking Rolling Stones, man. The sound was great, the vibe was right - each concert was a moment in time.
Beautiful, baby.
