I Think Not

 The knee has hobbled me once again, severely curtailing the intensity of my exercise regimen.

This worries me because I have worked so hard and lost a lot of weight - I do NOT want to pork up again (weight gain has already begun, proving once again that adjustable waistbands are an undeniably good investment for the age-challenged).

I know a guy. He works in the waste management business. His name is Vincenzo. His nickname is Vinnie knuckles.

I hired him to break my jaw but I told him I do NOT want to see it coming.

The plan is, he breaks my jaw, I get the mouth wired shut and I end up LOSING weight as I deal with the fucking knee. A liquid diet is not something I traditionally shy away from.

Extreme?

I think not.

An Alarming Imbalance

 A stew seasoned with a pinch of hope and a tablespoon of hopelessness makes for a dangerous meal indeed.

Summer So Short (Virtually Non-Existent)

 "This summer has been so short, so small. I think that like 'Alice' it ate the cake that said 'eat me', and dwindled and dwindled until it was so tiny that it ran out through the cracks under the door."

Edna St. Vincent Millay

Friendly's

The appointment with Dr. Mobility was at 9:15 last Monday morning - I didn't have to be at work until 11:30.

So before I went to meditate at the cemetery I treated myself to breakfast at Friendly's. Yeah, Friendly's.

Normally I would do Tucker's because Tucker's absolutely rocks, but I knew that if I did I wouldn't get to work until 2:30. Tucker's is very busy. So I did Friendly's.

Turned out to be a perfect decision. 

Got there at 10:00 - there was not one other human being in the place. It was like a scene from a Quentin Tarantino movie.

As I walked up there were people leaving - average age 110. Also I lied - when I walked in there was one guy in the place, but he was leaving. He was 111 and leaning on his walker. Moving very slowly, very carefully. Tiny, tentative steps. It was sobering to watch him and contemplate my future, especially considering the fucking knee.

16 booths in the joint, 6 tables, and I was completely alone. Paradise.

One waitress. I didn't catch her name but it had to be Madge or Glo or Blanche. I asked her how she was doing and she said "Oh, you know - kinda crazy - I am all alone." Are you kidding me? Did 130 people rush out the door just before I got there? But that's ok - I can cut her all kinds of slack. Everybody works hard, everybody has gripes.

She brought me coffee. I should have honored the Tarantino connection and said "Good coffee" but I missed the opportunity. I ordered a meat lovers omelet, hash browns, toast, side of sausage. Yeah, baby - I walked in determined to treat myself and I did. And I ate every fucking bite. And it was good.

Madge didn't talk much. I loved it. The ususal courtesies, those required by polite society, but no more than that. I came in alone, I was happy to be completely alone,and I did not want the moment ruined by polite chit chat.

Many thoughts crossed my mind. Much like the Scarecrow "I could think of things I never thunk before and then I'll sit and think some more." Truthfully no original thoughts invaded my brain, nor original emotions my heart.

But I did think. Maybe ponder is a better word. A little bit of this, a whole lot of that.

I want to tell you I made a couple of major decisions that will change the remaining course of my life. Unfortunately, that didn't happen. Hopefully I at least laid the groundwork.

But, if not, at least I did have a great breakfast, which I got to enjoy in solitude. Madge brought the check and I tipped her 76%. No lie. It wasn't hard or impressive - it wasn't much of a check. 

And, after all, she was alone.

Whatever Else Happens

 Friday morning. Reading in a silent house. Just finished a cup of Italian roast. Patsy is stretched out between my legs, full out, complete body extension. Emmy Lou is curled up at my feet, the back of her head touching the back of Patsy's head. It is raining at a moderate clip and has been since I awoke at 6:42. Somehow the sound of the rain and the absence of sun makes the morning even more peaceful. My soul is breathing freely.

Whatever else happens today does not matter.

Ominous

 ............until there was nothing

Everyone Else

 Just watched an episode of The Bear.

Someone wrote on the whiteboard in the kitchen:

"Fuck my life to death"

That is a perfect expression of anger. I am going to adopt it.

And probably use it at work.

Brief aside: The episode I just watched had a great deal of sensitivity to it. 

Whenever I come across that - in a book, a movie, or tv - I get pre-tear tears. You know, like I feel like I could cry but I don't. Because it is not allowed.

This comes from my HUNGER for sensitivity.

I only get that from my family. And I don't spend enough time with them.

Everyone else is just wasting my time.