Now I Know

My sense of time has become distorted.

Somehow it is November.

It snuck up on me. I didn't see it coming. Suddenly it is cold. The threat of life sucking snow and ice hang in the air. We are talking about Thanksgiving. We are talking about Christmas.

I don't know how this happened. Typically as soon as September 1 rolls around I become hyper vigilant. Keeping a sharp watch for Evil Winter and all the suffering and inconvenience it inevitably delivers.

I kind of hunker down in my soul and wonder how I will survive another 10 months of discomfort in an even darker place than I normally exist.

I am somewhat ambivalent this year. I am beginning to think that I have given up.

I am beginning to think that I have given up, even in my soul.

Strangely enough this does not frighten me. Physical exhaustion combined with soul-deep weariness result in an odd numbness.

A numbness that murders caring.

Now I know how everyone else makes it through.