Mama Don't GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I love John Lennon because he was introspective and unafraid to reveal his weaknesses and self-doubts.

Been thinking about him lately because one of the many things he explored was primal scream therapy. 

Ever hear his song Mother? Listen to it. He expresses his agony over losing his mother - twice - and over his father's absence in Lennon's life. At the end of the song he screams out his frustrations. "Mama don't go, Daddy come home." Screams these words, repeatedly. It chills your soul.

I am having good conversations with the psychiatrist, but sometimes I think if I could just fucking SCREAM - and release all the anger and frustration and self-loathing that suffocates me, maybe I could save some time.

Heard How? yesterday as I drove in circles, putting off to the last possible minute my arrival at the fucking library job, and, once again, it really got to me with it's honesty. And the way it resonates with my feelings.

Check out the lyrics:

"How can I go forward when I don't know which way I'm facing? How can I go forward when I don't know which way to turn? How can I go forward into something I'm not sure of?

How can I have feelings when I don't know if it's a feeling? How can I feel something if I just don't know how to feel? How can I have feelings when my feelings have always been denied?

How can I give love when I just don't know what it is I am giving? How can I give love when I just don't know how to give? How can I give love? Love is something I ain't never had. Oh no, oh no.

You know life can be long, and you've got to be strong. And the world she is tough, sometimes I feel I've had enough"

I am super sensitive and emotional, way over the top. It prevents me from functioning in this world efficiently. I feel those lyrics every day.

And most days it is a struggle for me not to scream. A soul-shattering internal battle. Like holding your breath until you feel you will explode.

Maybe holding it in is not the answer.