Sadness grows teeth as you get older.
From the day you realize that the life you are living is foreign to your nature, a seed is planted. A sensation awakens in your mind, a mild unease that makes you uncomfortable. But not panicked. Not yet.
This is not the life you want, but you are an intelligent person - you will figure out which path is the right path, and you will course correct. You feel a little better knowing this.
But you have not accounted for the speed with which life moves, and you have not accounted for life's insidious ability to trap you in place subtly, quietly, without your awareness.
You move on, at least in time, but not in self-actualization. The sensation in your mind has moved on from unease, to profound sadness. There is a reality there, either that life has tricked you, or that you have sabotaged your own future. Either way, that reality is poisonous - it hollows out your insides.
You find yourself standing at the window for extended, mindless, moments - seeing nothing. No flowers, no birds, no sunshine, no beauty, no life. A blank stare that reveals nothing but hopelessness and despair. The excruciating realization of the most consequential missed opportunity.
It's frightening.
No comments:
Post a Comment