Oddly Enough

As my brain deteriorates over the years, I invent exercises to beef up my memory.

Recently I decided to memorize song lyrics. What could be more natural for me?

I consume music like a devoted Catholic consumes The Wafer - as a staunch believer with hope of redemption.

There are approximately 20,000 songs already in my brain - songs I sing along with every time I hear them (unless someone else is around). There are a million more I don't have memorized; I mean, how much more can one man do?

Naturally, I started with Kris Kristofferson. Reciting his lyrics is like praying; good for my soul, while simultaneously flexing my memory.

The Pilgrim, Chapter 33. The song examines a man's life - had it all, lost it all, rose up, struck down. Still, he believes there's something better coming along. But he's not sure if "believin' is a blessing or a curse, or if the goin' up was worth the comin' down."

We end up here: "But if this world keeps right on turnin' for the better or the worse, and all he ever gets is older and around, from the rockin' of the cradle to the rollin' of the hearse, the goin' up was worth the comin' down."

Suggests to me that it is worth it to have just lived a life, whether you get what you want or not.

Right now, all I'm getting is older and around. Oddly enough, I still want more. 10% of my soul believes I can achieve that. That 10% keeps me going.

But I'm also trying hard to shift my thinking from apocalyptic to appreciative. Got a good family, don't want to lose sight of that, looking through a lens of despair.

It's a tightrope I'm walking. I'm doing the best I can. Still, I feel life draining out of me a bit more every day.

So far, my balance is good, although I am forced to reach out a steadying hand from time to time.