Meditation Perfected

Here's how I do it.

I repair to my room, gently close the door behind me, sit in my office chair, and dial up sounds of the Irish Coast. This is all so I can drown out the hideous sound of MSNBC, which Carol watches 28 hours/day.

Do I really believe I am listening to waves breaking on the coast of Ireland? Of course not. It's probably a recording of some jerkoff slapping water in his overfilled bathtub while he watches reruns of Beavis and Butt-head on his laptop while sucking on a joint.

I don't care. It sounds like waves breaking on the beach, it sounds magnificent, and it soothes my troubled soul.

I begin chanting my mantra in my head. My mantra is a work horse because my brain never shuts up and never shuts down. If I sit for twenty minutes I probably get three minutes of true meditation. But I will get to where I want to be. Count on that.

Many times Patsy follows me into the room. And that, my friends, is the icing on the cake. Because she will jump into my lap and give me all her love, full force. The most powerful love there is because she does not know I am an idiot. And she never will.

She stretches out across my thighs.

So, waves are gently breaking on the Irish Coast and I am silencing my thoughts. I reach down and run my hand across Patsy's back, eyes closed, and an overwhelming feeling of peace anesthetizes the pain in my brain.

The effect is stunning.

There is nothing better.

Even Better

When I am face to face with a blank page, I am challenged to write something profound.

I rarely come through.

I get wound up in myself, or the world, or other selfish and negative things.

Ideally, when I am feeling sensitive and wide open, I want to write about emotions. Specifically, love, which is the stuff of life.

It's complicated. Love is not one thing. And it is expressed in so many different ways, and the way it is received varies depending on the perceptions of the receiver; affected by moods, and circumstance, and opinions - of the self and the giver.

I think the hug is powerful. I am not talking about hugs superficially given - everybody hugs today in every situation, so the gesture is cheapened. I'm talking about hugs filled with gratitude or honest love or warmth. Hugs inspired by genuine emotion. Hugs between two vulnerable humans that express wordlessly what need not be said.

There are those who pretend not to need love, or who see the open expression of love as weak. They are bitter people. Because love is a universal need. Everybody wants to be loved. Everybody wants to be accepted as they are.

Older couples, couples who accept each other and cherish the relationship, people who have fought the good fight, these are the ones who set the example. They don't need constant conversation, they don't have to agree on every topic, they just have to be. Together, in comfortable silence or grateful laughter. Celebrated with an occasional hug in the kitchen.

People who show no love, who act as if they don't need it, are broken. Something has so twisted them that they are incapable of simply being human. Because love is the essence of humanity. In a just world, love would be enough.

Unfortunately, that day will never come.

I would like to write about love in a way that touches people. In a way that makes people think, maybe nod their heads, and hopefully set them to thinking. And appreciating. Soften them up a little bit.

I'd like to write something like that.

I'm just not sure I am capable.

Something Profound

When I am face to face with a blank page, I am challenged to write something profound.

I rarely come through.

I get wound up in myself, or the world, or other selfish and negative things.

I'd like to write about people who are starved for love. A specific kind of love. The kind of love some people have to have. People who are so starved they are wasting away.

Because people cannot live without love any more than they can live without food.

People give and receive love in different ways. Some are happy with words, others with actions; some with proximity, comfort, protection. Some pretend to not need it at all; they are the most bitter. But there are those who need love to be expressed wordlessly, spontaneously, by arms wrapped around them at random moments. A light kiss. This is what ignites their true self. Makes them feel alive. Appreciated. Loved.

There are more of them than you think.

Unfortunately people can live without love a lot longer than they can without food. Slowly, the soul shrivels up, agonizingly, until what's left can barely define them. The heart becomes hardened, making it harder to receive whatever love is offered. They will get to the point where they cannot even recognize love when it is offered, hurting those who extend it. They do not mean to do this.

Love is not just love. It is complicated. Often misunderstood. But I think occasional, physical expressions of love - a warm hug, a light kiss, these are the means of genuine life and communication between people. 

Especially for couples, people who have been together and fought the good fight. The words have been said. Embrace, kiss - unexpectedly, unpredictably. Your soul will fly.

I'd like to write something like that.

I'm just not sure I am capable.

A Coherent Philosophy

 "Have a drink. It takes the sting out of life."

"You gotta celebrate twice as hard as you grieve."

Hurry up, now - fun is leaking out of the porous bucket that is your life. Soon, there will be none left.

My Love

For most of my life, my love had to leak through the tiniest cracks in the lead walls that surround my heart. Cracks that opened up through decades of emotions battering against this formidable barrier. The love that escaped was watered down, weakened.

Lately my love has been flowing freely, or at least free-er. There are multiple reasons for this but I will not go into them now. You have better things to do.

The result is powerful. I am so unused to the feeling it is almost traumatic. It jerks me upright in my recliner, or paints a smile on my face against all odds.

As soon as I get accustomed to this amazing feeling, I will share it with you.

HOPE?!?!?!?!?!

Just listening to a CD by Peter Malick. Blues, baby - blues.

Got a song on there called "Wrong Side of My Life".

"I woke up on the wrong side of my life". I have been feeling that way for approximately 70 of my 71 years on this planet. The first year of my life felt about right.

Lately I feel as though I am slipping into the right side of my life.

It's never too late, baby.

"It's never too late to reinvent yourself.

Start a new career at 40.

Fall in love at 50.

Learn to dance at 60.

Start a whole new life at 70.

Stop saying you can't.

You can and you should.

Dreams don't have an expiration."

I always thought words like this were bullshit. Lately, not so much. Although I notice there is nothing in there about 80. I'm 71 - gotta get movin'.

As long as there is breath, as long as there is life............................there is hope.

(I had to look up the meaning of the word hope. I am feeling it but was not familiar with what it is called).

Ancient Wisdom

 The current vicious dicktatorship in this country is proof that the Founding Fathers never intended for everyone to vote.