Who Will It Be

 This is an exciting time of year.

How many celebrity deaths will occur in the next two days to pad the 2024 total?

Christmas Day 2024

There are too many people waking up today with Merry Fucking Christmas on their lips.

Drug addicts, alcoholics, Stage IV cancer patients.

And everyday broken people. People living miserable lives with no chance of happiness. People who will never retire, who will work until they die. And die in poverty.

People whose dreams have been shattered by circumstance or by their own stupidity. 

People who never had dreams, who recognized life for what it is and kept their heads down and plodded through their existence like donkeys.

Your garden variety humans for whom life was never a miracle, but drudgery, a road littered with razor blades, and hidden bombs triggered by tragic missteps resulting from incomprehension, despair, and tunnel vision.

Zombies who feel nothing because they shut their emotions down long ago. Emotions that never served them but to disappoint.

Cold, lonely people indistinguishable from corpses.

People to whom Christmas lights are no different than spotlights in a prison yard.

Merry Fucking Christmas.

I am not one of them. I have a lot, more than I need. Maybe more than I deserve. That possibility exists. I am only partially grateful because I have not evolved. Still, it's Christmas morn and I am somewhat buoyant.

Why not? Got me a loving family, both close to the heart and extended. And a grandson. A GRANDSON. Friends. New home, new community. Possibilities.

I am not where I want to be, not even close to who I thought I'd be.

But I am. I feel. I breathe. I get around.

A magic day. Dinner with the family. And time to reflect upon it all tonight when I get home and settle into the recliner with Patsy and Emmy Lou in my lap, Carol on the couch next to me, lights off, Christmas tree lit and the TV performing its relentless lobotomy.

Merry Christmas.

Wondering

 Today is Christmas Eve. Tomorrow is Christmas day.

And everyone is wondering.....Christ, he's not gonna write that empty driveways/crowded driveways drivel again, is he?

Water of Life

 Whiskey is never wrong.

Here's Hoping

 My Christmas won't be complete until I rescue a family's lost dog.

Reasons Why

 I'm lazy, and I don't give a shit about much of anything.

I care about my family. That's it.

An honest assessment that explains a lot.

You Know It

 Michael Madsen is the King of the sarcastic, tough guy smile.

A Day Late, A Dollar Short

 "Hell is truth seen too late."

Thomas Hobbs

Give Me Back My Soul

He writhed in agony on the floor and screamed desperately as his soul began to leave his body. The soul too screeched in despair as it unwillingly wrenched itself free and began to drift away. Neither was done with the other, they needed more time, so much more time together to justify their existence, to make amends, but the clock had run out, in part as a consequence of misguided decisions he made decades ago. His arm shot up as he desperately reached to grab his spirit in an anguished final attempt to keep body and soul united, but it brushed the tips of his fingers and floated upwards unwillingly.

Tears streamed down his cheeks in the seconds he had left, as his mind recoiled at the realization of wasted time and wasted opportunities. 

He could not defend his life as it dissolved into oblivion.

Solid Gold Advice

 Don't get old - it's a mistake.

Focus

 Striving to fail.

Just To Cheer You Up

The Ongoing Battles With My Demons, by Patricia A Fleming

I peek through blinds that are tightly drawn,

shocked by the glow of the breaking dawn.

I shun the brilliance of another day.

Enslaved and entombed, I stay hidden away.

The night was long as I lay awake,

Anxiety choking like a poisonous snake.

My self-hatred grows like some malady

That I pray will soon be the death of me.

Being hated and scorned is painful indeed,

And that love can be torture, we all must concede,

But to be ignored and forgotten can vanquish one's heart

Until it's in pieces, just shattered apart.

To feel non-existent is so hard to abide,

When you know that your heart is still beating inside.

And how do you save your sinking soul,

When you feel yourself plummeting into that hole?

My dreams don't provide any rest or relief;

They only replay my regrets and my grief.

I honestly don't know how I came to this place,

But it's clear to me now that there is no escape.

You may call me weak and lowly at best.

I'm trapped in self-pity, I must confess.

I long for some quiet, just a moment of peace,

But my negative voice refuses to cease.

My greatest enemy resides within,

But how can I battle myself and win?

I find this a callous, duplicitous life,

Not worth any effort to fight the good fight.

Surviving, instead of living each day,

Sheltered inside sturdy walls I create.

Fleeting moments when hope will linger so nigh,

But those feelings of wretchedness still once again rise.

Getting through every moment and each empty day,

Feeling lost and panicked in this chaotic maze.

Still not giving up and not giving in,

With my greatest fear being that it won't ever end.

What Would You Do?

You're watching a television series, one you would not normally watch.

As an experiment. The characters are quirky and vulnerable and achingly sensitive. Definitely not mainstream. And totally open about it. You typically prefer tough characters who relish violent revenge.

But right now you are in a strange place in your head. Unsure. Self-questioning. A bit shaky.

And you practically fall out of your chair as you realize that maybe these characters are a reflection of who you really are. Maybe there's a message here. A sign. A prophecy. 

It hits you with skull shattering force that maybe your lifetime act of pretending to be tough and in control has been a horrible mistake. A massive miscalculation that has destroyed your self-confidence (ironically) and beat the shit out of your liver. You are a naturally sensitive, deeply sensitive, overwhelmingly empathetic guy. Maybe if you had worn your vulnerability on your sleeve, you would have lived a more satisfying, fulfilling, and honest life. You might have been happy.

This thought hits you so hard it leaves you shaking in the recliner. 

What would you do?

Can you make that change? Now? This far down the road, this many lies in?

If you do, you might find peace. If you don't, you will shrivel up and die. Those are the choices. And here you are, barely two years away from the average life expectancy of one such as you. How strong are you? How honest are you? How frightened are you?

What would you do?

Words To Live By

 "Hiya, kids. Here is an important message from your Uncle Bill. Don't buy drugs..............................Become a pop star, and they give you them for free!"

Billy Mack, from Love Actually.

Merry Christmas

 "People should either be caressed or crushed. If you do them minor damage they will get their revenge; but if you cripple them there is nothing they can do. If you need to injure someone, do it in such a way that you do not have to fear their vengeance."

Niccolo Machiavelli

Excellent advice.

Machiavelli lived from 1469-1527. He lived in Italy as a diplomat, author, philosopher, and historian during the Italian Renaissance. His most famous work is a political treatise titled The Prince.

Niccolo claimed that his experience and reading of history demonstrated that politics has always involved deception, treachery, and crime. He encouraged rulers to engage in evil when political necessity requires it and argued that successful reformers of states should not be blamed for killing other leaders who could block change.

Some consider it an honest description of political reality, others describe it as a how-to manual explaining how would-be tyrants should seize and maintain power. Some scholars, even today, consider Machiavelli a "teacher of evil."

Don't be naive. These words are an honest description of political reality. Today. In America.

The last time Don Whoreleon (thanks Jimmy Kimmel) ran for president he was licking putin's balls in an interview with Bill O'Reilly. O'Reilly said "But he's a killer." The Commander-In-Thief (thanks Jimmy Kimmel) said "There are a lot of killers. You think our country's so innocent?"

There was an uproar of outrage. Problem is he was speaking the truth.

This country kills, it supports dictators it considers beneficial to our interests then double-crosses them if it doesn't work out, it lies to the people, it hides facts from the people, it cheats the people and keeps them in their place. Politicians do NOT look out for the best interests of their constituents. 

People have figured that out. That's how Fiberace (thanks Jimmy Kimmel) got elected. Twice.

You don't have the control over your life that you think you do. Unless you have a lot of money. Money is the great equalizer. Most of us don't have enough money to afford even Spam more than once a week. The other six days, it's cat food.

As low wage-earners we cede control of our lives to politicans, bankers, and vicious corporate executives, none of whom give a damn whether we live or die. They shit on us and force us to clean up the mess.

That's why Christmas is such a wonderful time of year. You can get drunk and people forgive you. Your perception of reality gets rosy until you are puking up Christmas dinner on 12/26. But for a few hours, life does not seem to be that bad.

The opiate of the masses. It is what we are allowed.

So listen, I truly want you to have a magnificent Christmas in 2024. I really do. Dig your family, drink excessively, and laugh a lot. We are told incessantly to "live in the moment." Good advice. But most moments wallow in cesspools. Christmas is sweet magnificance. A rare exception.

Merry Christmas, all!

And to all, a good night.

Frightening

 My brain has truly short-circuited.

I am temporarily unable to feel gratitude.

Pay Attention

 "We're living in weird times, Streak. I bet forty percent of the country wouldn't mind firing up the ovens as long as the smokestacks are blowing downwind."

From A Private Cathedral, by James Lee Burke

Keep that in mind as you navigate the next four years.

History Bears This Out

 "There's enough evil in the human heart to incinerate the earth."

From A Private Cathedral, by James Lee Burke