We have had nine cats and one dog over the years.
My relationship with our pets is always intense because I am deeply emotional, incredibly sensitive, empathic to a fault. And I need emotional connection. Open and honest. Crave it. Cannot live without it.
Carol digs our pets too, loves them intensely, but she is more reserved with outward displays of emotion. Something I had to adjust to but never got used to. Even after 47 years.
I have been very close to all of our pets but never as close as I am to Patsy. The love that goes back and forth between us is genuine. And intense.
She doesn't just sit in my lap, she crawls up my body until she is draped across my arm inches from my face. Then she stares into my eyes, directly, and for long periods of time. She talks to me constantly.
I am so grateful for this because she repairs my soul, which is torn and on life support. She melts me. She softens me up in my harshest moments and amplifies my love when I am in a good mood.
Lately I have been wondering who she is. Her love for me and attention to me are so intense, so focused, that I've been wondering if someone's soul is inside of her. Some dead relative or friend. But I can't place it, can't make sense of it.
Who have I known that could love me like this? No one. I cannot think of anyone who loved me enough to go out of their way to communicate that love to me from beyond the grave. Someone who cared for me enough to want to make my life softer through Patsy.
It's all Patsy. Has to be. And I am so grateful for her because every day, every fucking day, she is in my lap and on my heels and in my arms, meowing at me, staring lovingly into my eyes, melting my heart and resuscitating my soul.
She makes me so happy, makes me smile, makes me laugh with her cat insanity; gives me life when all I feel is death.
Patsy is a miracle and a gift and a surprise, a life-giver, and a bottomless well of pure, untainted love.
She keeps my heart beating.
No comments:
Post a Comment