What Could Go Wrong?

I'm hunting down a psychiatrist.

Deja Vu all over again. This is my third attempt.

The first two were wimps. Afraid to slap me around. They both took this squishy feel-good approach. They turned my stomach.

I need to re-tune my brain. Actually I need it completely rewired. If it was a thing, I would have the bad shit scooped out, leaving the good shit behind to fuel confidence and happiness.

Feels like it was a simpler process years ago, but I could be wrong. I am insane, you know.

Maybe I should adjust my approach. Hunting them down seems aggressive. Maybe I should make polite inquiries.

Psychiatrists can prescribe medication, psychologists cannot. So one tinkers with your brain and gives you drugs, the other just tinkers with your brain. Believe it or not I would prefer to avoid drugs and go right for the brain re-alignment.

I am happy with the drugs I take. I'm talking about at midnight, when I am watching Looking for Mr. Goodbar.

You also have clinical social workers and licensed professional counselors. Who is best for what? Who should I trust? I don't have a lot of time to make this happen. Every day when I leave the house the Grim Reaper is across the street waving at me with a diseased smile on his face. Drooling. If the sun is up, he squints.

So I call these people up, talk to them a bit, and this is the typical response that I get:

"I'm sorry, I can't help you. You'd be better off in a mental institution and a straight jacket."

Apparently I got a lot of work to do.

Truthfully, I email them, they email me back, refer me to someone else, or tell me they don't accept Medicare, or they are not accepting new patients.

I just want to get my brain fixed. Fortunately I know this guy who hangs in a bar that I frequent. He dispenses his own brand of wisdom to anyone willing to buy him a drink. He seems relatively coherent most of the time. 

What could go wrong?