No Way To Think

My cousin Mary Ann died over the weekend.

I believe she was 81. Carol and I hadn't seen her in decades, but we reconnected a few years ago and it was so nice. We enjoyed dinner at her condo a few times, had great conversations. We emailed each other, shared phone calls. Carol had a great and extended conversation with her just last week.

Her death was unexpected.

Since we moved to the new house I was not in as regular contact with her as I had been previously. I was distracted. Kept telling myself "I should email Mary Ann." I didn't. Then she died.

I feel deep regret.

My friend Nelson died last year. Very unexpectedly. I went to high school with him. Over the years I only saw him sporadically. Always through my brother Ed, who had a closer relationship with Nelson. But when I was with Nelson.............I laughed. I was never bored. When he died I deeply regretted not actively pursuing our friendship.

Carol has a cool aunt named Paula. The love of Paula's life was Bill. Bill was peculiar in a good way. He took conversations down twisted paths. He was fun and unique and never boring. He was sick a few years back. He called us, had a conversation with Carol, but I never picked up the phone. He died shortly thereafter. I deeply regret not talking to him one last time.

That is just three people. I am sad to say that many more of my family members have died, and some friends. I can feel sadly regretful about each one of those deaths. It's not hard to do.

That's no way to think.

The last few years with Mary Ann were magnificent. Great, peaceful gatherings. Honest, emotional, meaningful. Nelson and Bill were gifts - two men who were powerfully unique, who kept me off balance and made me smile as they did it.

There is no room in life for regret.

There is a great deal of room for gratitude.