Obviously I became emotionally invested in "Winter Passing" yesterday, and connected that in my brain to the Chris Gethard special, which also touched a nerve with me, and jumped out of my recliner and ran to the laptop to emote.
Actually I am not jumping out of anything these days or running towards anything either, but you get the picture.
When my emotions run deep, what comes out is the truth - but it is a little raw, a little unfocused.
I do hunger for emotional release, emotional connection, but it really is not practical in life. The characters I connect with in movies tend to be broken people connecting with broken people - that seems like pure honesty to me and the ultimate expression of what it means to be human.
But of course, it is the movies. That shit does not happen in real life. Can't do it. Gotta keep on keeping on.
People are too afraid to expose themselves emotionally. Too damn dangerous.
People who are consumed with emotion typically become writers. Or actors. Or musicians.
Because there is no other way for them to express themselves; to be themselves. Society does not allow that.
If you travel in the bubble of creativity you are somewhat insulated from the "real" world. Although it is a harsh and a difficult way of making a living. Ironically, if you try to make it creatively you will face 100 times the rejection an average person faces. But for some people there is no other choice.
Because if you try to survive as a deeply emotional person in the every day world you will get eaten up. No emotions allowed. No vulnerability. Suck it up.
So yeah, every time I come across an emotional experience that resonates with me I fly away to "I wish" land, because I detest superficiality.
Because of this hunger that will never be sated.
And I bet I have done it 777 times in here. After a movie, after reading a poem, after devouring a book. I cannot help myself. Because as I am experiencing those things, everything else about me is stripped away.
And what is revealed is so powerful to me and so honest that it trips a breaker in my brain and I go berserk.
Small example: I was recently in the company of a friend. We had music on in the background. "I Am A Rock" (Simon and Garfunkel, if you are musically challenged) came on and I mentioned that this song has one of my favorite lyrics of all time. When asked what it was I recited: "I have my books and my poetry to protect me."
He replied something like "OK, I don't get it, but if it makes you happy...."
There are very few people, if any (at least in my life) who would say "I know exactly what you mean" and go on to have an animated discussion of the lyric, and then books and then poetry with me.
And yet to me, those words are powerful. They mean something to me. Deeply. They spark emotion in me; a response. Every fucking time.
And that is a very small example, tip of the iceberg type stuff. There is so much more that resonates with me deeply and meaningfully that cannot be expressed in every day life. At least not in my every day life.
How bizarre, how bizarre.
Apparently I have chosen the wrong friends. Or not enough friends. Or maybe I am not putting myself out there forcefully enough. Or maybe I have tried to put myself out there forcefully and been consistently rejected.
This is hilarious. I came in here to try to explain yesterday's rant because I felt like it was a little skewed.
Feels like I am bending it even further away from where you are.
I won't lose sleep over it.