And more...............

Feel the need to flesh out the Letterman thing a little more.

Might seem like a little thing to you if you don't see things the way I do. For me, it was huge.

The reason it was huge was that Carol and I are on uncharted waters right now. Every day when we crawl out of bed, it feels like we spend the rest of the day like two drunks on a small boat in rough seas.

Slipping and sliding, bouncing off of this and crashing into that. It is unsettling. There is no sure footing. We don't know where the hell we are or what the hell is going on.

It has been going on for months now and will continue for a couple more months.

This is not what we signed on for when we were born.

The Letterman thing crept up on me. I still had a 10 pound ball of lead in my stomach from the day before; I just didn't know it.

I was watching the show, digging on the man, and slowly, a feeling of comfort spread from my body to my brain. Or vice versa. How the hell do I know?

It was a weird but very good thing. I eventually realized that I was feeling good. I started laughing. Then I shed a tear or two. In gratitude? In relief?

It hit me in the face how down I was, how worried.

That brief 15 minutes lifted everything off of and out of my body. It felt 1,000 times better than it normally would because of the darkness that Carol and I are currently navigating.

It was also a connection to someone who was a regular in our life for many years; David Letterman. A man who made us laugh and informed us on a regular basis. A man who we have been missing since he retired.

It felt like going backwards in time, which is extraordinary, because that is exactly what Carol and I would love to do right now.

Go backwards in time and then negotiate a path that would take us around and help us avoid this present reality.

Ahhhh, but life doesn't work that way, does it? And a fucking shame that it doesn't.

So I was grateful for that brief moment. It allowed me to catch my breath.