Don't get in here as often as I used to. Not sure why.
Maybe I am just confused.
Holy shit, man - I have been consuming sports lately as if it were a gourmet meal, or some very delicate designer dark chocolate.
I watched so much tennis during the US Open that my head turned into a tennis ball. Unfortunately for me, Carol noticed. Somehow she dug up an old tennis racket of mine and began volleying me around the house.
"Go wash the dishes, you lazy motherfucker". Whack. "Go out and stain the deck, you pantywaist". Whack. "Crank up another load of wash, loser boy". Whack. "When the hell are you going to vacuum the rug, slime bucket". Whack.
It was painful but enlightening.
I watched the Open from start to finish. Watched people work their way up through the brackets, watched people lose who were supposed to lose, watched people lose who were not supposed to lose. Watched Serena's meltdown in the finals, saw Nadal end his semi-final match early because of injury. Watched these people struggle with 90 plus degree heat in high humidity.
I began rooting for people. Like Juan Martin del Potro. He is from Argentina. He had a bunch of buddies sitting together in one of the upper boxes. They were rowdy. I loved it. Tennis needs more rowdiness. I watched him work his way up to the semi finals, where Nadal dropped out with an injury. At that point he was asked if he would be celebrating with his friends that night. He said "If I do that I won't make it to the finals". I love it.
Unfortunately he got his ass kicked in the finals.
Football. I am gobbling that up like I am addicted to it. Which, of course I am.
Had to work last Sunday but it was a light load and I made it home by 3:15. Made myself a sandwich, put down a shot of whiskey, grabbed a beer (how the hell do you get ready for football?) and went upstairs to catch a big chunk of the Vikings/Packers game and the Chiefs/Steelers game (Carol was watching the Sox downstairs). Fucking awesome games. I was floating in football ecstasy.
Then I crawled downstairs to watch THE PATS with Carol. A painful loss to the jags. But Jesus Christ - did you see that one handed catch that Keelan Cole made against THE PATS? My lifelong love of football allows me to dig aspects of the game even if THE PATS are losing. Wish to hell I could bottle up football and drink it. At least my liver would have a fighting chance.
Here's my point. Carol's illnesses have impacted us both in many ways. One thing I realized is that I give up too much because I am lazy and not forceful enough, and because I feel like I should be sociable with Carol. I sit in my recliner like Jabba The Hut instead of dragging myself upstairs to watch what I want to watch.
So along with the fact that I want Carol to be happy more than I want anything else in the world, I have also decided that I should be happy too. Seeing what she has been through, along with the minor health problems I am dealing with, along with the fact that I am 64 - these things have motivated me to grab a little more happiness.
The Open thrilled me. Football always thrills me. I gotta have these things. They make me happy. Distract my diseased brain from worry and regret and fill it with contentment.
Can anyone argue with that logic?
Carol and I still spend a lot of time together and I enjoy that more than I ever did. But I am also committed to squeezing out as much individual happiness as I can in the time I have left.
That's a win win, baby.
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