Melancholy Creeps

Man, oh man - here we go.

Melancholy creeps. It is inevitable at this time of year. At least if you are a sentient being.

Thanksgiving was magnificent. My family does it up right. And I lucked out.

Had Thursday and Friday off from both jobs. Was supposed to work Saturday night but woke up sick as a dog Saturday morning. Boss man found a replacement. I was jubilant. Tells you where my head is at when I would rather be sick than go to work.

Had Sunday off and then.......it snowed on Monday. Took the day off. So I ended up with 5 days off. In a row.

Got me some Christmas spirit; came out of nowhere. But it got beat out of me. Started when I focused on the fact I was only gonna get one day off for Christmas. Then between nauseating Christmas commercials and all the phony "Merry Christmases" rolling off peoples' lips - bile rose up in my throat.

Got lucky again, though. Had Sat and Sun off before Christmas, took Monday off and then.............. Job I decided they would close on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. So I ended up with 5 days off. In a row. Again.

But I did have to get up at 5:30 on Dec 26 for Job II. That sucked royally. Completely destroyed the Christmas glow. And again at 5:30 on Dec 27.

Had to get some whining in. Live with it.

And here I am. Dec 28. Ruminating.

2019 about to come crashing down. At my age it feels like another year gone by. And another year gone by. And another and another and another and another..............

When I "turned" 60 it occurred to me that the decade between 50 and 60 flashed by like a bullet train. I decided I needed to slow things down, dig in my heels, put the brakes on and any other cliche you want to torture.

Next week I will be 66. I never even saw the last 6 years.

Jesus fucking Christ. Time moves fast. For a while life dribbles out of you. Then it gushes like blood from a severed artery.

Started this blog up in 2011. Eight years ago. That means at least 7 new years have been commented on. Occurred to me I could go back and read my thoughts around this time of year to teach me a lesson. Light a fire under my ass.

Because in a nutshell I would read the same shit over and over and over again. I hate my life. I gotta make changes. I'm running out of time. How do I get money. How do I get happy.

I don't think that would serve any purpose. I am well aware of my short comings. Don't need to bludgeon my psyche.

I always try to come up with some specific gift to make my birthday special. Treat my self. But it never accomplishes anything. Buying something from Amazon does nothing for the soul.

Keith got me thinking last week. We were having a conversation and he said I should do something for myself instead of buying something for myself. Like learning to meditate.

Makes perfect sense. Because really, the bottom line, the most obvious solution to my unhappiness, is to change my lifestyle, my approach to life. What I do. The way I think.

A seed has been planted. Doesn't necessarily mean anything because I am not sure at this late date that my brain is fertile enough to nurture growth. But it might be. One never knows.

66 is 4 days away.

I am a little nervous about it. I don't like the number. I'm a tad nervous about 2020. Every new year carries a little more weight.

More to come....................