Empty Driveways

We live in a small community.

I look out my kitchen window and see houses and driveways one after the other.

On the day before Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving Day, and the day after Thanksgiving, most of those driveways were empty.

This is a 55+ community and many people here are grandparents. Empty driveways are a sign of happy people - visiting their children, loving on their grandchildren. I am happy to see so many empty driveways.

Perspective changes as you age - your life gets more focused as time slips away and jobs become less important or non-existent. With less distractions it's easier to seek out happiness, and critical to try.

We have lived here for a year and met many of the 55+ citizens. We like them for the most part; a majority of us are in the same place in life. Parents, grandparents, retirees, part-time jobs - a slower pace and time to reflect. Doesn't matter if you're 70 or 85 -  we're in the same place except for the loudness of the ticking of the clock. 

Today and tomorrow people here will be getting back home and instantaneously reminiscing about Thanksgiving and laughing about the fun they had. Feeling comforted in the love they experienced, a love that carries some weight. The love of family, uncritical and accepting. Smooth and easy. A love that can heal, or soothe the pain and challenges that life delivers no matter how old you are.

If I walked through here knocking on doors and asking "How was your Thanksgiving?" I would be invited in, directed to a comfortable chair, and handed a drink. My hosts would then tell me about how they visited their kids and held their grandkids, they would be smiling and laughing and it would become contagious - their happiness would become my happiness.

It would be a pure and soul-sustaining moment.

I might not have felt the power of all this years ago; maybe empty driveways would just have been empty driveways.

But I am older and in a much different place, physically and psychologically - emotionally. The things I care about, the things that mean anything to me, the things that capture my attention, are more meaningful. They bring warmth to my heart and oxygen to my soul. They give me a reason to live and they keep me alive.

I like where I'm at.

Empty driveways. Love. The cycle of life.

The sensitivity and perspective that comes with age are powerful.

Life sustaining.

Crowded Driveways

The people next door are trapped.

They cannot afford the rent of this place, and they cannot sell their house because no one else wants to pay exorbitant rent.

I met them in the spring when they were out for a walk. At the time I was talking to anyone I met so I could get to know people.

The husband had been through a series of serious health issues and could no longer work. And he was shuttling back and forth to medical appointments endlessly. His wife works part time. They told me they were forced to dip into their savings to survive. They tried to sell their house for six or eight months but got nowhere. Despair, frustration, and fear came off of them in waves. It hurt me.

But Wednesday, Thursday and Friday this week - Thanksgiving week - their driveway has been crowded. And there have been kids around the kitchen table.

Our houses are very close but we don't bother - them or us - to raise or lower the blinds all the way. Too bothersome. Still we maintain our privacy. But when I climb into or out of my recliner I see motion peripherally - not a lot because the couple are not scampering around the house. But on Wednesday I was aware of a lot of activity - I glanced and saw kids gathered 'round. Grandkids, I assume.

It occurred to me that this couple are ecstatic. Filled with love and appreciation. Listening to laughter as if it was music. Preparing meals, playing games, eating ice cream when they probably rarely eat dessert -  doing the little things that turn out to be the most important things you can do to make a life worthwhile.

I imagine their kids and grandkids sweeping away the anxiety of their current lot in life and allowing them to be human - to feel pure happiness without reservation or worry. The kind of happiness that fills a heart to bursting.

Today is Friday, and one of the cars belonging to the couple next door is parked in the overflow lot. The kids and grandkids must still be here.

I am so happy for them. I imagine them banking this happiness, these good feelings, in reserve for the times when they feel despair. To call upon when they feel like life is kicking them around. It has to help.

Empty driveways, crowded driveways - you find meaning in different ways at different stages of life. What matters most is that your outlook feeds your happiness.

Time has a narrowing effect. The happiness you experience makes your heart strong and protects your soul. Especially as you age.

No small thing.

I DO Have Fun

 "Every time I see my buddies we get way too stoned

Aw, we start trading stories and it's on, it's on

I swear I've left a piece of me down every road I've gone

And I wouldn't have it any other way"

From Any Other Way, by Hayes & The Heathens

Please note: Seven decades in I only have one friend to get crazy with. We don't smoke together but we do enjoy a whiskey or two. Thank god for Phil.

Movin' to Glasgow

Watched a documentary on Billy Connolly the other night and decided I'm moving to Glasgow.

Billy was born and raised in Glasgow, a city founded in the 6th century - the sixth century. Glasgow and foreign (to us) cities like it are eons ahead of any location in the good ole USA in character, gravity, beauty, uniqueness, and fiercely loyal pride.

I was comfortable being in Billy Connolly's favorite pub - I need to drink some whiskey there, have a beer, meet the people. Shit I'd love to drink a beer with Billy in that pub, even though he gave up the sauce years ago - he could watch me enjoy it while making me laugh and drinking his tea.

Admittedly the good ole USA has only been around for 248 years, but we really haven't done a lot with the place. In fact we have trashed it.

My soul tells me that if I settled in Glasgow or Rome or London my soul would immediately be at peace, and after having some time to work my magic - I would have lots of friends in and out of pubs.

I feel soulless in this country because the country is soulless. Especially now when the only important thing in each citizen's life is figuring out how badly you can hurt and insult your neighbor. Or just fucking avoid them all together.

All great civilizations have endured atrocities - it is one of the charming things about human beings - we love to blow things out of proportion and then run around killing the enemy. But European nations seem to learn from the horror and go on to nurture a personality and strength of spirit that infuses their citizens with a profound sense of self and country.

Not here. We are on an eternal quest to fuck things up, turn things upside down and to hurt anyone who disagrees with our point of view.

Anyway...........................as soon as Carol kicks me out I'm moving to Glasgow.

If you don't know who Billy Connolly is, he is a comedian, actor, musician, and artist. He has been voted greatest stand-up comedian of all time by many UK polls. He is beloved. A man of the people.

When he started out he radically changed how comedy was perceived - he was improvisational and unique - he paved the way for many comedians who followed and is revered by them.

He is 82 now and is suffering with Parkinson's. He was 75 at the time this documentary was made and Parkinson's was already having it's way. I don't know what kind of shape he is in now, but it is a sad situation. 

Anyway, some rainy Saturday afternoon when you are sitting with a joint and a beer by your right hand, check out Billy Connolly - he will make you laugh, you will love him.

The documentary I watched is called Billy Connolly: Made in Scotland. It was a joy.  

As is Billy.

The Dead Don't Cry

 "A man's dying is more the survivor's affair than his own."

Thomas Mann

Consequences

 I have spent my entire life denying my own intelligence.

As a result, I have become stupid.

And That's Why......................

 "Conservatives govern without shame, and liberals shame without governing."

Bill Maher

Might Do Some Damage

I have to stop living in my head.

It's a royally fucked up place to be.

Every Goddamn Time

 Every time I'm forced to be practical and responsible I lose my sense of humor.

Where I Am

 "It's a big old beautiful universe and I'm happy where I am

I got supper in the oven and a cold drink in my hand

I take naps when I want to and go dancing when I can

And I wouldn't have it any other way"

From Any Other Way, by Hayes & The Heathens

Move On, Crazy Person

Comes a time when you have to stop apologizing.

Better to "Never apologize, never explain", but that ain't easy to do. You just have to not give a shit to pull that philosophy off. Most people can't do it. But it's gotta be tastier than premium dark chocolate, if you can live it.

Guilt's gotta go too. If you feel like you should apologize, you are feeling guilt. Fuck guilt.

After a while (many decades, typically) - you realize that you are what you are. You will fuck up (their definition, not yours) in consistent ways, and be judged for it in each instance. 

But how often do you fuck up? How many instances? Percentage-wise, it's minimal. If you fucked up all the time you'd be dead or in prison. Considering all the social interactions you experience in life, the vast majority of them are navigated with care and success. But the fuck-ups (their definition, not yours) seem overwhelming because you dwell on other people's reactions. You take it to heart.

Don't. It's not important. You deserve to be judged by a body of work, not by individual events.

After a certain point in your life you just gotta roll with it. You're gonna knock people off balance because of some miscalculation or excess and they will shake their heads and roll their eyes. But if you were pursuing something genuine to you and got the math wrong, well, shit happens. Next time you'll do better.

But realistically, doing better doesn't matter. It's not relevant if you let "better" be defined by others. Better is whatever you define it to be. Better only applies to your own expectations.

So move on, crazy person. Ignore the tension in the air and move on to the next scenario.

You'll have much more fun that way.

Beware of Sadness

Sadness happens.

Someone you love dies, you get sad. That's real. But you don't want to manufacture sadness. Your mind is a dangerous place - dark and deadly thoughts crawl around in there based on false assumptions and psychopathic aberrations.

You make yourself sad because you worry about something that isn't true.

Manufactured sadness drapes itself around you like a lead blanket, weighing you down, dulling your mind, anesthesizing your senses - because it is not real and your mind/body does not know how to handle it. How to respond to it.

Genuine sadness is recognizable; your body/mind knows the feeling, having been there so many times before. It is as natural as breathing. You absorb the sadness, you feel it, think about it, and wait for it to pass like the common cold.

Manufactured sadness is tenacious. It haunts every waking thought and renders you incapable of functioning. 

Then it tortures you in your dreams.