Every Goddamn Time

 Every time I'm forced to be practical and responsible I lose my sense of humor.

Where I Am

 "It's a big old beautiful universe and I'm happy where I am

I got supper in the oven and a cold drink in my hand

I take naps when I want to and go dancing when I can

And I wouldn't have it any other way"

From Any Other Way, by Hayes & The Heathens

Move On, Crazy Person

Comes a time when you have to stop apologizing.

Better to "Never apologize, never explain", but that ain't easy to do. You just have to not give a shit to pull that philosophy off. Most people can't do it. But it's gotta be tastier than premium dark chocolate, if you can live it.

Guilt's gotta go too. If you feel like you should apologize, you are feeling guilt. Fuck guilt.

After a while (many decades, typically) - you realize that you are what you are. You will fuck up (their definition, not yours) in consistent ways, and be judged for it in each instance. 

But how often do you fuck up? How many instances? Percentage-wise, it's minimal. If you fucked up all the time you'd be dead or in prison. Considering all the social interactions you experience in life, the vast majority of them are navigated with care and success. But the fuck-ups (their definition, not yours) seem overwhelming because you dwell on other people's reactions. You take it to heart.

Don't. It's not important. You deserve to be judged by a body of work, not by individual events.

After a certain point in your life you just gotta roll with it. You're gonna knock people off balance because of some miscalculation or excess and they will shake their heads and roll their eyes. But if you were pursuing something genuine to you and got the math wrong, well, shit happens. Next time you'll do better.

But realistically, doing better doesn't matter. It's not relevant if you let "better" be defined by others. Better is whatever you define it to be. Better only applies to your own expectations.

So move on, crazy person. Ignore the tension in the air and move on to the next scenario.

You'll have much more fun that way.

Beware of Sadness

Sadness happens.

Someone you love dies, you get sad. That's real. But you don't want to manufacture sadness. Your mind is a dangerous place - dark and deadly thoughts crawl around in there based on false assumptions and psychopathic aberrations.

You make yourself sad because you worry about something that isn't true.

Manufactured sadness drapes itself around you like a lead blanket, weighing you down, dulling your mind, anesthesizing your senses - because it is not real and your mind/body does not know how to handle it. How to respond to it.

Genuine sadness is recognizable; your body/mind knows the feeling, having been there so many times before. It is as natural as breathing. You absorb the sadness, you feel it, think about it, and wait for it to pass like the common cold.

Manufactured sadness is tenacious. It haunts every waking thought and renders you incapable of functioning. 

Then it tortures you in your dreams.