A Winter Road

Took a walk on a winter road.

I was cold. I was alone.

I was wondering why I love you and how you love me.

Thought about my life; there is a great deal of it behind me now.

I wanted to examine it and learn something, but when I looked upon it,
my vision was blurred. There were no details. Just a vague sense of loss.

I thought about the future. How hard could that be? There is not a lot of it to imagine.

Again, it was vague.

I am here now but I don't know where that is. Certainly not anywhere I ever imagined.

I am me now but I don't know who that is. Certainly not anyone I ever imagined.

Aging inexorably, under attack from disease. Feeling weaker precisely when strength is required.

Meaningless words haunt me. Hopes and dreams; a phrase as hollow as thoughts and prayers.

The place where I stand is quicksand, the road behind is littered with regret, the road ahead is slick with black ice. I don't believe I planned this.

But I did allow it to happen.

Took a walk on a winter road.

I was cold. I was alone.

My soul heavy with the fear that this time, winter would have no end.