I Need Flunkies

Gotta renew my license at the DMV this afternoon.

I don't want to do it.

Carol renewed hers recently - said it took 15 minutes. Piece of cake.

Still, I am not interested.

I want to send a flunky in my stead wearing a Joe mask. If I was rich I could probably even find a way to avoid the mask (I've been watching too much of Billions).

I am a bit of a snob. I don't ever want to deal with any of the mundane things one has to deal with bureaucratically. 

Which is hilarious when you think about it because I have the ultimate bureaucratic job. Date stamping shit, making copies, making excuses, pumping info into a computer, spitting it out for review, following up for approval, mailing the fucking paperwork.

Still, I am not really a bureaucrat - I only play one on TV.

Renewing a drivers license, registering my car - not interested. Shit, man - buying a car - the mountain of paperwork and signatures that are required - dealer, financing, insurance - makes me wobbly.

Life insurance, homeowners insurance, health insurance - not interested.

I want to send flunkies in my place to fulfill doctors appointments. That would be the coolest.

I feel like a piece of meat at medical appointments, especially recently - and I sense condescension (real or imagined).

Generally - I don't want to answer any more questions in my life. I don't want to have to sign things.

I don't want to have to show up somewhere at a pre-determined time and date.

I want to live in a cave.

Or get me some flunkies.