Saturday, March 2, 2024

What Would You Do?

What would you do if you were trapped inside your own skull, and crippling thoughts were flashing through your brain like lightning? Bouncing off the walls, criss-crossing each other in a maddening cycle of inevitability and intractability?

Like that time you were drunk at 3 a.m. and put a potato wrapped in tinfoil into the microwave, set the timer for seven minutes and then sat on the kitchen floor in wonder watching the light show.

What would you do if you knew deep down in your gut, you fucking knew, that these thoughts were not based in fact, that they were an evil presence created by a mind soaked in poison, a mind so far removed from the reality of who you are that it felt like a foreign object in your head?

And there was nothing you could do about it. You could not kill these thoughts no matter how hard you tried. 

You study up on critical thinking and emotional intelligence, the concepts make perfect sense to you. But every time, every fucking time the opportunity pops up for you to apply these principles you fall back on the diseased thought patterns that got you where you are today. Which is nowhere.

What would you do?

Who would you be?

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