Tears On My Windshield

I sat in my car in the rain in the graveyard yesterday and ate my lunch.

The rain was really coming down. 

It was the first time this peaceful place bummed me out. Really got to me.

It's different in the rain. On sunny days it is a teeming metropolis. People walking, people jogging, people being buried, people tending to gravesites. I derive maximum peace on those days.

The rain seemed to bring out the harsh reality of the place that sunshine disguises. A place inhabited by thousands of the dead. People whose lives have ended. A situation I will soon be in.

I saw no other cars. No other people. I was alone.

The water blurred my vision, creating a more surreal view. The water ran down like tears on my windshield.

I wondered how many tears have been shed on behalf of the inhabitants of this cemetery. Quite a few, I'm sure.

I wondered if you earn your tears on a sliding scale. 

People will cry when I die. They might think to themselves that I could have done more with my life. Maybe cry a few less tears in consideration of that opinion. Can I earn more tears by taking a deeper dive into what is left of my life? More respect, more tears?

I don't know.

I couldn't walk around yesterday. I sat and gazed at the hundreds of gravestones surrounding me. Through windows blurred by rain. A surreal view of a surreal reality.

Really bummed me out.

I look forward to the next sunny visit.