Wednesday, July 20, 2011

My Brain is Oatmeal

WARNING: Due to the graphic nature of some of what follows, viewer discretion is advised.

Some insight into the diseased nature of my innermost thought processes. Last night just before I went to bed I had a nasty dizzy spell as I was wrapping up the cleaning of the kitty litter box. Stepped out of the bathroom, it felt like the floor was moving beneath my feet. Thought I would fall over the railing. Woke up today feeling like absolute crap. Somewhat dizzy and completely exhausted. Called Dr. Feelgood - got an 11:30 appointment. I NEVER call the Doc - I suffer through pain and use my intricately cultivated knowledge of my body to get through whatever is bothering me.
The brain went into high gear. "Here we go, my man - 42 years of alcohol abuse and anxiety are finally going to bring you down. Heart attack. Cancer. Something very serious. You are about to be taught a lesson."
I've been here before. Had a testicle problem years ago. Convinced it was ball cancer. It wasn't.
Was greeted one morning by a toilet filled with blood. I am talking about an ocean. Figured I was definitely dead then. Turned out to be goddamn hemorrhoids. HEMORRHOIDS.
Today I'm thinking this is it. Got to change my lifestyle. Got to get serious about survival.
Saw Dr. Feelgood - she guesstimates that it is a viral infection affecting my inner ear. Prescribes drugs. Seems to make sense.
I'm feeling good. More positive. So I get home and celebrate with a beer and a shot.

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