Sunday, December 4, 2016

When The Dead Are Our Friends

There is this woman I have to work with who drives me crazy.

You know the kind I'm talking about; the kind of person whose every personality trait rubs you the wrong way and makes you want to pluck their eyes out.

She is a volunteer, which makes the situation even weirder for me.

We work in close proximity so there is no escape.

The only saving grace is that she is only around two days a week to torture me. is enough to make me vomit blood in anticipation of the work day.

Crazy day Friday. Holiday madness, big doin's in Concord. Thousands of greedy muthas on the streets intent on wrapping their fat, greasy fingers around the biggest bargains.

Even though it means dining on dog food for the next six months.

So the store was stupid busy. Thankfully I love retail so it was a real treat for me to be in the middle of all this madness.

Ms. Satan works on Friday so my natural enthusiasm was dampened.

A couple of hours in she tells me she has to split for a while to attend a wake. Some older family member.

Oh my God I was exultant. I toasted this dead person in my head, thanked them for having the consideration to provoke a wake in the middle of this heinous shift.

Bear in mind, this was an older relative of Ms. Satan, and she is mid seventies. So this person was ready to die.

I am fairly cold hearted but not entirely so. Ms. S had a nephew croak on her recently and that guy was only fifty something years old.

This bothered me. I look at every premature death as my own. I figure it could be me.

Lets face it - I am in the danger zone. Bombs are dropping all around me folks, I was recently nicked myself. This is no time to be complacent.

If it was a child that died I would have been devastated.

But it was an elder statesman. Ms. S didn't seem all that bothered about it so it must have been an acceptable death.

It was for me.

Holy shit she was gone for two hours.

Two blessed hours that I did not have to deal with her obnoxious personality and conversation.

This freed me up to enjoy retail madness in all its glory.

Thank you, dead person.

You made my day.

No comments:

Post a Comment