Wednesday, June 6, 2018

A Revised Game Plan

"Erratic" - Not even or regular in pattern or movement; unpredictable. Synonyms - inconsistent, irregular, unstable, turbulent, unsettled.

That's me. That's my life, neatly summed up.

Inconsistency defines me, although in certain self destructive ways I am quite consistent. If you are consistently self destructive does that then elevate said inconsistency to a virtue?

Not sure about that, but I do enjoy looking at things in reverse. I have no faith in generally accepted accounting principles.

"Generally accepted accounting principles." As an accountant you run into that phrase 315 times a week. It is accounting nerd mantra. GAAP for those in the know.

The funny thing is that I am likely to use that phrase in conversation, expecting people to understand my intent. That is how I prefer to communicate. That is why I am so often met with blank stares.

It is incredible to me how few people appreciate dry humor. Too intelligent for them. Most people need it spelled out. I will say something sarcastically - with a straight face - and people will take me literally. Amazing. I get tired of saying "I was joking". Perhaps I should seek out a different crowd to run with.

Anyway, the point I was making in my own twisted way is that I have grown to not trust conventional wisdom. There are no answers. No road map, no way to know how to live life in accordance with some universal principle. Priests don't know, doctors don't know, psychiatrists don't know, philosophers don't know.

You are on your own, Bubba.

I am erratic because I never intended to live a conventional lifestyle. I never believed in mortgages, lawn maintenance, home repair, working "for a living", deadlines or commitments.

Still don't.

So I never committed. I was never all in.

I fell into it. As a result, every job I ever had was a joke to me. I never thought I would do the nine to five. Thought my life would be more interesting than that.

I was an accountant but I was never a "good" accountant.  I could have made a lot more money if I applied myself, could have retired well, and I have no doubt I have the intelligence to do that, but there was an evil voice in my head that kept repeating "This is a fucking joke". It kept me in a strange and twisted in between, where I could hold down a job but not excel at it.

The irony of all this is that because I walked a conventional path, Carol, Keith and Craig came into my life. Three people I could not live without in any situation under any circumstance.

If The Devil sat down right next to me right now and said "I will take you back to 1975 when you were 21 years old and offer you a different life. A life completely in sync with your soul (which I will own eventually, he says with a vicious smile), one that will vanquish anxiety and fill you with fun, pride and accomplishment BUT you will never meet Carol, and Keith and Craig will never be born," I would reply "No deal, my man. Go away - we will meet up again soon enough."

That is 100% truth, whether you doubt me or not.

So here I sit. Pondering my life. I "semi-retired" on June 2, 2016. I have been semi-retired for over two years now. My plan was to retire on June 2, 2016 and be insanely wealthy by June 30. Somehow that didn't work out.

I don't get it.

In the interim Carol has been through hell, and our retirement has become a frightening and dangerous thing, at least to me.

I am not one to endure elderly housing, eat cat food and debate with Medicare representatives.

Somethings gotta give. (Great Jack Nicholson movie, by the way.)

I have revised my game plan. I expect to be insanely wealthy by June 30, 2018.

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