The Ultimate Fucking Bottom Line

I immersed myself in "The Wire" and dug the shit out of it.

When I wrapped it up I experienced "end of binge watching" disease. Complete sense of loss.

My first experience with that was with Ray Donovan. I jumped into that SEVEN seasons behind. But I fucking loved it. I watched it maniacally, neglecting to eat, neglecting to wipe my ass when I took a shit. But it was worth it.

Next up was "Game of Thrones". I was on a deadline with that because the goal was to watch the final episode with Craig and Amanda. Again, I jumped into that SEVEN seasons behind. I got it done and it was worth it.

Next up was "The Wire". I watched that at a more casual pace because no deadline was looming. However, when you get into these things you do not want one day to go by without viewing at least one episode. So it becomes a benign obsession. I got it done and fucking loved it.

I recently discovered a show on Netflix called "Bad Blood". It is about organized crime in Canada. I know. You're like, what? Canada is cool. Ain't no crime up there.

Wrong. Anywhere human beings exist there is crime. Because everybody craves shitloads of money and nobody wants to work 9 to 5.

Show is fucking great. Ripped through the first season, just started the second. Very heavy, very violent, but there are many sensitive, introspective scenes.

What can I say? I am drawn to violence, I am drawn to criminality. Because I crave shitloads of money and I don't want to work 9 to 5.

Here's my point.

Just watched an episode where the #1 drug guy in Canada flies down to Mexico to meet with the #1 drug guy in Mexico.

They negotiate a deal. The Mexican dude asks "Why are you looking to expand? You already command a major operation in Canada that makes you very wealthy. What are you looking for? More money?"

The Canadian dude asks "Do you answer to anybody?" The Mexican answers "No". The Canadian says "THAT is what I am looking for."

BOOM.

Of all the things I hate about my life, numero uno is the fact that I have to answer to somebody. I despise the fact that somebody gets to tell me where to be and at what time and how long I have to stay there.

I despise the fact that a scumbag financial institution holds my mortgage and demands that I pay it on this day every month or they will destroy me.

These things make me small.

And I fucking hate them.

This is why I love crime shows and crime movies. I love the idea that you make arrangements and if somebody breaks that arrangement they get killed or you get killed.

May seem harsh but it is a lot better than the slow, tortuous death we all live.

I don't want to answer to any other human being. Ever. It is still my goal.

Could be too late.

Or not.