Give Me Everything You Got

There is a half hour news program called ABC World News Tonight.

It is hosted by David Muir. An awkward, doofus of a guy with large hands that he doesn't know what to do with. But that is a story for another day and time.

They always play a happy times clip at the end of the show. In February I would have told you I fucking hate it. Now I gotta have it. All of it.

One of the news programs on MSNBC  highlights "lives well lived" at the end of the show. They give you details about the lives of two people who have died from Covid-19. How long married, how many kids, career, how people describe them. Stuff like that.

Those are the two extremes.

The survivor stories get to me in a big and emotional way. Scenes when you see somebody being released from the hospital into the loving arms of a spouse or kids or both. Medical personnel clapping. Tears inevitably flowing. Don't care how many times I see it, my eyes get moist.

Guys being lifted up five stories on a scissor lift so they can sing Happy Birthday to a sick wife through her hospital room window. Always with an "I love you" at the end. I have seen that a couple of times. Spectacular.

People wishing 95 year old grandma Happy Birthday through a window. Those stories break my heart as well as make me feel good.

Children surviving the kid version of Covid-19 being released into the protective arms of parents.

Saw a story about a woman who survived both the Spanish Flu AND Covid-19. Over a hundred years old. Fucking amazing.

These stories are about love. Pure and simple. Life will distract you in every way possible, get you to take love for granted, maybe not even notice it or think about it. But love is what life is all about. We crave it. We need it to be whole. Without it we are broken.

The intensity of love I witness when I see these scenes blows me away. It's like a flashing neon sign saying "This is life. This is what you are here for. This is the real deal. Pay attention. Don't fucking blow it".

Then there are the stories I hate.

People who survived Nazi concentration camps but got killed by Covid. People who survived WWII but got killed by Covid.

There was an elderly couple who both died on the same day from coronavirus. After over sixty years of marriage.

These people should not be dead. They should live forever. It is a fucking crime, a sin against humanity for them to be cut down by this fucked up disease.

22 year old people who have died, 48 year olds, 61 year olds. Fuck this shit.

I am writing from a selfish perspective. I have changed dramatically over the last few months and I want you to know it. I have always been insanely empathetic, sometimes to my own detriment. But that was always balanced against a healthy strain of cynicism.

I enjoy the happy times stories now. I want to hear them. Shit, man - people deserve to be happy. They deserve to love and be loved. Life is never what you want it to be, never what you expect. So hold on to the happy stuff. It is your medicine.

And your happiness makes me happy. If your happiness can make me smile during these shitty times, then you and I are together.

The bad stories are out there and they infuriate me. No one should die from Covid-19. But there are people who really do not deserve to die from it and it pisses me off.

But I am taking some nourishment from the good stuff. The love. LOVE.

I fucking need it. We all fucking need it.