Marc Maron

I dig Marc Maron.

Have for a long time.

I have been checking out podcasts. It is a great way to get exposed to different people and different points of view. They rip the Tupperware lid off my brain, burp it and break the seal, and allow the brain to breathe (once you get past the rotten stench of decay).

I keep coming back to Marc. Here's why.

He is so real. So vulnerable. So human.

I love his sense of humor, his honesty, his intelligence, his knowledge.

I am searching for my own identity right now. Trying everything I can think of to shatter the ridiculous persona I created over a lifetime, so I can get to the real me. I just want to be me in every situation, unaffected by anyone's opinions or criticisms. I want to make me happy. Not other people.

I have been placing a lot of emphasis on toughness. Like I gotta get tougher, physically and emotionally. Then I listen to Marc and I realize vulnerability and honesty are not weaknesses.

That makes so much more sense to me. His approach to life or his personality or how ever you want to look at it, connects with who I am. The way I think. The way I feel. It doesn't make sense to try to be a tough guy. I am not a tough guy and never have been.

He lays his emotions bare. Total honesty. It is so raw and so real. No artifice. That is part of his strength, along with his intelligence and sense of humor.

His girlfriend died in May. Suddenly. She was 54. Lynn Shelton. She was a filmmaker. They had only been together a very short time and had just recently been living together. They were perfectly happy.

He is crushed. I worry about him because he is an alcoholic and has been a drug addict. But he seems to be handing it.

A few podcasts since then have been rough. He has cried on air a few times. It breaks my heart. This guy who has been through so much and finally got to a very happy place, only to have his happiness snatched away.

But he is willing to cry on air. He could edit it out but he doesn't. He is willing to be a human being on full display. And it does not make me uncomfortable. It makes me love him more.

I feel that way about his humor too. He makes me laugh, I love his point of view. But he makes me feel human as I laugh. It is not superficial humor; it is meaningful.

I have been searching for inspiration. Someone to teach me or inspire me through example or the written word. Been reading some deep stuff but it has not all been fulfilling.

Maybe I am trying too hard. When I listen to Marc I think maybe I am. Maybe I can find my way to me through him.

You never fucking know where truth comes from. You just gotta be ready for it, be able to recognize it.

And then do something about it.