Don't Give Up

 "Don't give up, don't ever give up."

Jim Valvano said that in a speech he gave at the ESPYs on March 4,1993. He was dying of cancer. He died on April 28,1993. A month later. He was 47 years old.

Those words meant a lot coming from him. Because he backed them up. He fought, and he worked so hard to be positive in an impossible situation, and to inspire others to fight.

For the past 20 years of my life, I did not believe in that philosophy. After taking a bunch of wrong turns, and making a mountain of mistakes, I realized that life eventually gets the upper hand. Why try? Give up, accept your punishment, and get numb.

I gave up. I accepted the fact that I had pissed my life away, and seethed in a house I grew to hate. Because it mocked me as a loser.

And then there was an explosion in my life.

We sold our house. For a lot more money than it was worth. So much so that we bought a new place outright - no mortgage - and put a healthy chunk of change in the bank. We bought a place that we love. In a town that we love. And suddenly I am happy....................and inspired to do something with my life, instead of laying around moping.

Carol is 70 and I'm about to be. Who the hell ever thought our lives could get so good so late? I had given up on my life, but now I am driven to live it instead of just enduring it. 

I wake up happy every day. Every single day. I know I have been given a second chance. A bolt from the blue. It happened so suddenly and so unexpectedly. I am vibrant with awareness of this gift that I have been given, and I am determined to make the most of it. It is impossible for me to take it for granted - I feel so good and so alive that I never want to lose this feeling. I want to make it even better.

In that speech Jimmy V said there are three things you should do every day: Laugh, think, and allow your emotions to move you to tears. In other words, FEEL! 

I laugh every day now. I think - about where I was, what just happened, and where I am going. I don't get tears every day (although it's often, and they are tears of gratitude), but my emotions are raging through my heart and mind like floodwaters overflowing a riverbank. I am an emotional and passionate man, and those attributes are buzzing at peak levels right now. I fucking love it.

I gave up on my life. But someone, or something, somewhere said "No, no, no - you don't get off that easy. I give your life back to you in a new and improved state. Now let's see what you do with it."

I am grateful beyond belief.

I will not blow it this time.