A Wasted Day (Where My Head Is At)

I'm jazzed.

That's where my head is at. New home, new community, new town, new surroundings, new job. How's that for a clean slate?

I'm also aware. Aware of exactly where I am at and pretty sure about what I need to do to make the most of it.

Yesterday I made a bad choice - I chose to be angry instead of choosing to be light-hearted.  Made an hour trip to a strange and congested place to get fingerprinted for the job. Couldn't find the building, walked around in the cold looking for it; GPS failed me twice - the trip was difficult overall.

The GPS thing was funny. Could not get it up and running at all for the trip home - I have NO sense of direction and had no idea where I was. Carol became my human GPS. I called her, she stayed on the line, pulled up directions, and left turned me and right turned me until I got to a place I recognized. 

Funny stuff. I should have laughed, should have joked with Carol as she saved me. But I didn't. I let the frustrations of the day fuel my anger, and I let it burn well after I got home.

I wasted the day.

I finished reading a biography of Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young this morning. What a ride. I've read the autobiographies of Crosby, Nash and Young - Stills has not written one - but reading about the band as one was a cool perspective. They were so beautiful together.

They wasted a lot of time, money and talent. They admit that. They feuded all the time, and lost so many opportunities because of their egos and petty differences and misunderstandings and abuses. Their lives kind of parallel mine so I aged with them through the book.

I am 70 now. I cannot afford to waste any more time. But I extravagantly wasted yesterday.

This cannot happpen. I am trying to bring beauty to every day. Or learning. Or fun. Or love. Or satisfaction. Or achievement. Or some combination of the above.

Slipping into old, predictable reactions, or destructive emotions, or self-sabotaging thoughts is anathema to the man I am becoming. Wasting time peals the death knell.

I cannot have that.

I will not have that.