Borders is dead. I dance on their grave.
The Booze Emporium is located in close proximity to an ex-Borders location. I had closet alcoholics (that includes anyone who drinks) coming into the store and saying what a shame it was that Borders went out of business. I guarantee you these people are coffee drinkers, not readers. And not drinkers of good old straight ahead caffeine rich regular coffee; I'm talking about the phony baloney Chai Tea Latte drinkers and the Salted Caramel Mocha Frappuccino drinkers.
Coffee is a drug. Nothing more and nothing less. I drink only one cup a day but I HAVE to have that cup. If I do not, when customers at work ask me where the Kahlua is, I find myself steering people towards the Crown Royal section. Or they ask me what to mix Crown Royal with and I say heavy cream. The expression on my face is the same one on Elaine's face in that Seinfeld episode where she was not getting laid.
People who are kicking alcohol and drug habits drink 413 cups of coffee a day. And I guarantee you it ain't no goddamn latte. Tell me coffee is not a drug.
Borders took the sacred world of books and reading and turned it into a pretentious experience. When I walked through there, which I did not do very often, I had to discipline myself not to look at brain washed consumers sitting at the tables delicately sipping their over-priced beverages and flipping through the pages of a fashion magazine. Or the pretend-professionals with their laptops tuned into a porn site, with the Wall Street economic indicator website minimized to bail them out should anybody come within viewing distance. Because when I did look over there I would inadvertently scream "mindless sycophants" and be escorted out the door.
Now a book store that featured a full bar would intrigue me. You say "Now wait a minute Joe, aren't you allowing your prejudices to cloud your judgement?" Absolutely not; I remain objective as always. Alcohol is a natural craving. People do not need to be coerced into buying or drinking booze. They need it. As a painkiller, as escape, as a fun inducer, for the taste and for the release and relaxation. Trust me I know. I am a part time bartender and part time Booze Emporium clerk. Sipping on a civilized cognac while reading a classic book is better than sex. Designer coffee is a manufactured market. People were convinced by marketing manipulators that drinking lattes etc made them cool and more sophisticated. You can tell by the smug look on their face when they order one of these hellish creations that it somehow validates their very thin existence. Even if they cannot pronounce it and end up dumping it into the nearest trash can as they flee to the closest bar.
I was spoiled. Used to go to a place in Concord called Lauriats Books. It was part of a chain but somehow managed to remain personal. I am a voracious reader so I was in there a lot. The employees got to know me and would actually recommend authors to me based on other books I had purchased. And I enjoyed most of their recommendations. These people were readers, I had great conversations with them.
Borders employees were clerks and salespeople. They are illiterate and bathe only sporadically. Some of the men even sported long hair and ear rings. You can't trust a man like that. I called them once looking for a specific book and I was told they had one in stock. I drove half an hour to find out that they did not have that book in the store. That was the incident that destroyed whatever flimsy relationship we had.
When you were looking for a book but did not know the exact title or the author's exact name, a puppy dog clerk would walk you over to the computer and do a search based on a key word, like The. 26,000 titles would pop up and as you tried to back away in horror the clerk would keep on talking and searching. Sometimes the only way to escape was to drop to the floor in a feigned heart attack.
I will not miss Borders. They deserved to die. I'm going to keep on drinking real coffee juiced with caffeine, sugar and heavy cream. None of this caffeine free crap, no Sweet 'N Low and no skim milk. I will continue to drink civilized whiskey.
And I will keep on buying my books, used, from a small, personal book seller. Like Amazon.com
No comments:
Post a Comment