Just Words

I am rushing to put words to paper. Just washed a stack of dishes and soon I must attack the exercise bike, shower and flee towards The Booze Emporium for another eight hour shift of merriment and mayhem. Race weekend and we are selling one hell of a lot of booze. It was insane yesterday and that was THURSDAY. Gonna be nuts today and there will be hell to pay for we inmates that work there.
Speaking of washing dishes - the last time I checked there are only two people living in this house. If I stay on top of the dirty dishes daily it is not a big deal. If I miss one day, suddenly there are 413 dishes piled on the counter and in the sink. I don't understand it. However I am The King of All Dishwashers - I cannot be defeated. Who knows, I may have to fall back on that precious skill if the NHSLC decides to screw the part timers.
I spent one hour doing football research this morning, so that has amped up the urgency of my schedule. I do not apologize for this. I am in a football pool, a pool that I won TWICE. I am a god. But the past couple of years have seen my ass get kicked. I am supremely motivated this year, as in everything else in my life. Watching NFL Live on ESPN for info, and I am amused to note that if I fast forward through the twitter garbage and the fantasy football silliness, I end up with 13 seconds of actual game analysis. Strange world we live in.
DeAngelo Hall says he'll target Tony Romo's ribs. Big controversy. To me it is another reason why I see football as a reflection of life. Everybody knows if a football player is hurt, you try to take him out. Cruel, but it is reality. In life, if you show any weakness you will be attacked and ridiculed. I know, I am a very sensitive man. Sometimes I break down sobbing uncontrollably at the cash register at The Booze Emporium. I get no empathy. The typical reaction is for customers to slap me, throw nips at me and pull a bag down over my head so they won't have to look at me. Then they demand that I process their precious purchase regardless of my soul-pain. My co-workers point at me derisively, laugh and avoid all conversation and contact with me. They force me to take my break outside next to the dumpster. We all act tough, pretend we are in control and know what we are doing. We do this because we know if we admit to our emotions and doubts, wear them on our sleeve, we will be ridiculed. By the way, I think defining weakness as revealing your humanity is ass backwards and indicative of how lost we humans are.
I live in abject fear. Three and one half months left to 2011 and I have nothing to show for my efforts. I NEED some type of feedback, some sort of reward by December 31. I have worked harder this year than in any year of my life. I'm still fat, I'm still broke and I have no professional prospects. No reason to believe that my life will be any better in 2012.
This is totally, completely, horrifyingly, paralyzingly unacceptable to me. So in response I will make more changes. Try harder. Focus more. I am going to attack the rest of this year with a fury never before witnessed in the history of humanity. I refuse to lose. Even given the fact that everything that could possibly be against me is against me. My age, my tenuous employment, the economy. A lesson to you young 'uns. Grab a hold of your life early. If you let it slide as I have, the odds for change and improvement are supremely stacked against you. But christ, this life may be the only one I get. I have to prove to myself that I can rise to the level of my own potential.
I'll keep you posted, as always.