So here we are.
Thanksgiving came around peacefully and left gracefully as it always does. The greatest of all holidays.
Christmas gets stupid no matter how hard you try to avoid that. You vow that there will be no gift giving, no shopping but you still end up having to buy stuff. You still end up stuck in crowds and waiting in line, even if it is only at the supermarket.
Do people still use the word supermarket?
However, when the day itself rolls around, Christmas day, it is beautiful.
And then it too is gone.
And by the way, who the hell decided that these three major holidays should be grouped so close together?
You get a month and half of frenzied fun, distraction and relief and then a long stretch of the same old same old.
So you sit here on December 27 looking at four days left in 2014.
You know you gotta somehow plow through four days of work just to get to the point of celebration.
What will that celebration be?
Will you just get stupid drunk on New Year's Eve, spend the first day of your new year with your head in the toilet bowl and then go back to the same meaningless, dead end life routine?
I hope not.
New Year's Day is heavy for me because it does double duty as my birthday. I get deeply introspective, I look at my life, I dare to look in the mirror.
I get all revved up and then I fail every single time.
I think the only victory I have experienced recently was the year I vowed to lose weight and get under 170 pounds.
It felt good. However, right now I weigh about what I did when I first dedicated myself to losing the weight that year.
A pretty hollow victory, no?
For what it is worth, at least I make the effort, take the time every year to look at myself and figure out what has to change in order for me to develop some sort of pride and self respect.
This is what everybody should do at this time of year. It is the perfect time to take a hard look at the things you hate about your life and yourself and try to figure out what you have to do to get yourself happy.
You shouldn't let the next week and the holiday slip away like they always do.
Use them. Pull your head out of your ass for a while.
We all get numb just trying to survive and we forget how to be happy. We forget how to think and we don't have the energy for change.
That is how the majority of human lives get wasted. Used up meaninglessly as if they were nothing important.
Your life is the only thing you have. The only thing, and it blows by at faster miles an hour.
My track record for change and resurrection sucks. Absolutely blows.
I stay mired in the same old shit for decades and become more bitter all the time.
My own fault. Entirely my own fault.
I feel a different sensation this year. Something approaching strength. Feel it from the inside.
It is heavily driven by a thing called Fear. Fear of 62.
You will hear all about my convictions on January 1, 2016.
Until then I suggest you do some soul searching. Take the time. Change your life; change yourself.
There is no other reason to remain alive.