Thursday, August 25, 2011

Good Will Hunting (As I Hunt Myself Down)

Good Will Hunting. Unbelievable movie. There is so much more than meets the eye to that movie. I dig it every time I watch it. One of the scenes that always blows me away is with Affleck and Damon in the parking lot after getting done for the day working hard ass construction. They are standing there, leaning on the truck, having a beer. And a conversation.
Damon makes a comment about how his future is being a lab rat, doing all that math stuff. (A and D from now on). A tells him that might be right but "it's better than this shit. It's a way out of here." D gets into all the why do I wanna leave stuff, we'll be neighbors, have little kids, take them to Little League up at Foley Field stuff.
A replies "Look, you're my best friend so don't take this the wrong way, but, in 20 years, if you're still living here, comin' over to my house, watchin' the Patriots games, workin' construction, I'll fucking kill ya." And he continues " you owe it to me because tomorrow I'm gonna wake up and I'll be 50, and I'll still be doin' this shit." "I mean you're sitting on a winning lottery ticket. And you're too much of a pussy to cash it in. Cause I'd do fucking anything to have what you got."
Heavy duty. Because when I watch that scene it is me talking to me. Every time I see that scene it makes me shiver. The movie was made in 1997, I have seen it many times in those 14 years and I am still having that conversation. I have had that conversation in my head all my life. Always knowing I am on the wrong path professionally, always knowing I can do a lot better, always being too much of a pussy to cash it in. There are two me's. Actually I am a million different people from one day to the next but for all intents and purposes there are two me's. The one who is living this life and the one that knows I got something inside that would make me a lot happier if I could just tap into it.
I love the scene for it's intensity and honesty; two friends being right up front with each other. That intensity is inside my head and sometimes fuels my insanity. The last time I watched that scene I reacted a little differently because I am working hard to make changes this year and I feel like I am doing the right things so I won't be working construction when I am 50. It used to depress me to identify with that scene. Suddenly it acts more as a motivator. It's a good conversation to watch and a good one to have with myself from time to time. Keep me inspired towards change.
It occurred to me recently that with all my ranting about my part time jobs I might come across as thinking I am something special. I do not think that way. I think all jobs are noble, one type of work is not above or better than another, and I never judge people by the work they do.Anybody holding down a job deserves respect because it is hard physically, emotionally and mentally. Except high level corporate types; they are sharks and I just can't respect them. My opinion is just that I am doing the wrong things; if I make use of whatever talents and abilities I have I will be happier, regardless of whether or not I get rich.
By the way, that scene with Affleck and Damon is revealing in another way. Watch how they hold their beers. Damon holds it like a man. Affleck has his pinky extended like a little girlie. Now you might argue that is acting, character affectation. I don't think so. I think that is indicative of their true personalities. christ just look at the movies they have been in since GWH. I think Damon is more down to earth and Affleck has become more the Hollywood type and I think the extended pinkie was an early indicator.
Just thought you should know.

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