2/26/14 (Eddie)

You know, I got up this morning at 6:15 specifically to write.

Didn't have to. Could have stayed in bed until 7:00 or later. But I had the urge.

Got in here and couldn't write for shit. I keep a notebook full of ideas and add to it regularly as things strike me. When I don't wake up with something burning in my brain that I absolutely have to write, I fall back on the notebook.

I started three different things today. Deleted them all. The juices weren't flowing.

I blame winter. This winter has been cruel. The Marquis De Sade of winters, without the sex.

It has me off balance. It has everybody off balance.

I talk to hundreds of people every damn day. Hundreds. That is kind of bizarre when you stop to think about it. Think about all the people in the retail trade and how many people they deal with every single day.

That is not natural, baby. A few good conversations, hell, even one good conversation makes a good day. Although, in retail, you are not having good conversations. You are wearing out clichés.

I'll complete that thought someday.

Anyway, everybody is sick of winter. Even those strange birds who love winter.

"I love winter." Those three words make about as much sense to me as "Blurp finko deflarge."

If God wanted us to enjoy winter we would be born wearing down parkas.

My body is geared for struggle every day. As soon as I fall out of bed, the body tenses.

Ready to shovel more goddamn snow. Ready to shiver against fearsome cold. ready to shovel more goddamn snow AS it shivers against fearsome cold.

The winter has been relentless. Like the honey badger.

Around this time of year people start saying "Spring is right around the corner." It is true and there is usually a glint in the eye when the words are spoken.

I am hearing those words this year, but spoken without conviction. No energy to them. They sound so hollow. People are beat down like dogs and they know that, even though spring is truly right around the corner, still, it is only February 26. And it feels like a very long way to warmth.

A winter like this has only one purpose.

To make spring your lover.

When spring rolls around and the body comes alive, you gotta recognize it, celebrate it, and revel in it. Spring this year has to be a celebration. You gotta bleed joy out of it for all it is worth. Hold on tightly to it as it bleeds over into summer. Then dig in your heels and slow down to breathe in every stray summer breeze that comes your way. Bask in the heat.

When fall begins to peer around the corner, put up your fists and fight back. Impede its progress.

And above all, at that point in the year, do not think about what is coming.

I plan for spring this year to be an epiphany. I am feeling much better. I am definitely on the road to recovery. I envision the onset of spring coinciding with the onset of health.

I am going to be so goddamn happy that I am going to savor every warm breath I take. I am going to kick up my heels and dance like a whirling dervish, arms akimbo.

I am going to live and love and re-connect with my family and get out and do barbecue and sip wine and look at the stars and thank the sun and find peace in Carol's magic garden.

My goal is to be aware. To take it all in with eyes wide open.

Still, it is February 26. Only February 26. Winter is not going to let go. It will frustrate and torture us right up until the last gasp.

At that point, with winter lying prostrate and helpless on the ground, I will wind up and kick it in the balls.

And feel no remorse.