Caffeine As Killer

Did you know that caffeine can kill you?

A tablespoon of caffeine - about 10 grams - will kill you.

I did not know that. At least I don't think I knew that. I don't know what I know right now because my brain is turbulent. I am going through ch ch ch changes.

I remember the story of the idiot college kid who took a couple spoonfuls of caffeine and chased them with an energy drink. He went into seizures and died.

Idiot should have downed a bottle of Jack in one sitting. At least he would have died drunk.

Anyway..............................

I learned all this on NHPR. Of course. NHPR is school for me now. As I hasten to sharpen my brain before it turns into a mudpie, NHPR provides constant stimulus.

I was thinking about this this morning as I agonized to and from Chiro Man's office. Had a 9:00 a.m. appointment on my day off. Not worth trying to slug down a cup of coffee and read a few pages before the show, so I busied myself with chores until appointment time.

Dutifully went and returned but I was definitely in a lack of caffeine slump. Foggy brained.

Man, as soon as I got home I fired up the Keurig, changed back into embarrassingly comfortable clothes and grabbed a hold of Jack Reacher.

A couple of sips in I was sinfully content.

Jesus, that was close.

Caffeine is a bitter white powder derived from an natural insecticide found in some plants. It can be extracted naturally by burning out coffee beans. Or it can be produced synthetically in Chinese pharmaceutical plants. This is the stuff used in soft drinks and most of that is indeed produced in China.

This whole bitter white powder natural insecticide thing gives the "caffeine as drug" thing an interesting twist. Makes it more appealing to those of us with skewed perspectives. Throw in the word addiction and you really got something.

I  learned that our grandparents consumed more coffee than we do. That's hard to believe in this hoity toity society of ours that has elevated coffee consumption to an elitist pursuit.

I am pretty sure my grandparents consumed more wine than coffee. That's why they were so cool.

Coffee consumption in this country peaked around 1950. But of course we replaced that with soft drinks.

Moderation (how boring), as usual, is the key. Moderate consumption of coffee, which is considered to be up to three or four cups a day, is not considered harmful.

Signs that you are overdoing it are sleeplessness and anxiety.

Anxiety?

I drink one cup of coffee a day and I am eternally anxious. I experience anxiety when I am awake, when I am asleep, when I am alive and when I am dead.

Apparently I will have to drink negative cups of coffee to achieve peace.

This does not make me feel hopeful.

To this day I have not set foot in a Starbuck's. Initially it was a thinking man's reaction to the coffee as religion approach.

My brother gave me Starbuck's gift cards and I still haven't made it in. I am not totally averse to the experience. It's just that there are no Starbuck's conveniently close by.

Hard to believe.

When I finally get in there and spend 38 minutes navigating the menu and answering server questions, I'll probably walk up to the register and be told "Sir, your gift card has expired."

Caffeine is a bitch.