Ramblin'

I'm ramblin' today.

Drifting thoughts, formless plans, ambitions obscured.

Kind of in the middle. I got kicked out of the all whiskey zone into this new land called health issues. Coming out of it OK but it is already March 14. How the hell did that happen?

Tomorrow is the Ides of March. Better watch my back.

Been backsliding lately but not at Olympic levels. So I'll probably pull through.

Pretty down. Pretty lost.

In between where I was and where I need to be. There is absolutely no footing there so it is a shapeless existence.

But, you know, I have a friend who was diagnosed with heavy duty cancer and he is afraid. I am afraid too but my fear is of the mind.

His is real.

My brother-in-law has been fighting cancer for years now as well.

If there is a God he must really suck to allow this hideous disease to exist. And to choose the people he chooses to endure it.

I have been given all kinds of warning signs that I better shape up. I don't know why. I wonder if I deserve it. I wonder if I have the strength to do something about it.

These two guys didn't get any goddamn warning signs. Suddenly, there is cancer.

I'm wondering about the nature of things. The nature of life.

Somehow it seems so very wrong to make yourself feel better by comparing yourself to others less fortunate.

"I don't have it so bad. Look at so and so."

Wouldn't it be better to focus all our energy on an equitable distribution of happiness? Or peace? Or health?

I would feel better about where I am if I knew that Steve and Sarge were out of harm's way.

That would be fair.

If you are looking for fairness from this life then you would be better off blind.

Still, you dance with the partner who brung you. You play the cards you are dealt.

I would like to know that by recognizing how small my problems are in comparison to Sarge's and Steve's problems, and by forcing a supportive and hopeful vibe their way, that I am shifting the world vibe just a tiny, little bit in their favor.

Selfishness kills.