Thursday, September 29, 2016

The Incredible Lightness of Being

Had my nosed hacked up on Tuesday by a Doctor Dude in Manchester.

Had a follow up check up yesterday in Concord with the Dr. Feelgood who sliced up my back. Did not know what to expect.

I was lucky. They got all the cancer out of my nose on the first pass. But they left the wound open, bandaged it up like crazy so my man in Concord could decide what was next.

I was expecting that he would have to close it up somehow. Maybe talk about or perform plastic surgery, which he told me was possible at the beginning of all this. I was expecting pain and discomfort.

The doc carefully unwrapped the massive bandage on my nose with great seriousness - he did not know how much damage had been done and I think the size of the bandage freaked him out. I made a couple of wise ass comments and he did not even respond.

He looked at the wound, laughed a little bit and then said "Did you piss somebody off in Manchester?" I love this guy. Then he really started laughing, grabbed a mirror as he laughed and told me to look at the relatively small wound that had been wrapped in a super sized bandage.

We laughed together.

It was a funny moment. He figured that the woman who wrapped me up was so afraid of infection that she engaged in overkill.

He gave me three options.

One - put a band aid and a little Vaseline on it and let it heal. This would leave a scar; an indentation. Two - undergo low level surgery that would partially repair my look. Three - undergo extensive surgery that would make my nose as beautiful as it was originally.

I chose option #1. I don't give a shit what I look like. I am done with slicing and dicing.

All that is left with the nose is for me to go back in two weeks to check the healing progress and two weeks after that again.

I begin the extended love affair with a dermatologist in November.

I walked out of that office with a small band aid on my nose and my head in a psychedelic haze. Did not expect to be done yesterday. I was blown away. I was floating.

I felt light. I felt relieved. I felt reprieved. I felt so good, so happy that I did not know what to do about it.

This is a kind of happiness no one should ever have to experience given what it was a reaction to, but it just felt so goddamn good.

Had myself a crazy celebration. Bought a sub on the way home - large Italian, tomato, onions, pickles, mayo. When I got home I ate it, drank a beer and had a short whiskey to toast myself.

Sat down in my recliner watched a movie - "Inside Llewyn Davis" - with Maka in my lap. Part way through the movie Lakota joined us and I had them both in my lap.

I am a real wild man these days.

For the past month I have been afraid. Stressed. Exhausted. In pain and uncomfortable. My body has been sliced up and stitched up and bandaged up; I have gobbled pills and gritted my teeth.

The news came out of nowhere and turned my life and my mind upside down.

Just as suddenly, it was over. Relatively.

I am sitting here absorbing this new reality.

My mind has been scrambled and it is busily rearranging itself.

With a weight and seriousness and depth of meaning like never before, today is truly the first day of the rest of my life.

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