Family KNOWS You

You cannot go into a social situation determined to be someone else.

If you don't know who you are, if you don't know how to just air out your soul and be yourself in thought, word, and deed - if you act, you are doomed to fail. You cannot be someone else.

Ironically, it's the acting that got you into this situation in the first place. You have to act to survive. Projecting complete confidence at work, pretending that your mind is healthy and alive and free of worry and self-doubt - you've been doing that your whole life. Because no one wants to hear about your problems or see your weaknesses revealed. If outsiders acknowledge your weaknesses, it exposes a crack in their own facade. So they double down on their faux tough-guy act.

Truthfully, acting for an audience at work or in practically any normal social situation is easy. Because nobody gives a shit. We all notice the tells in others that give away the truth, that make it painfully obvious a performance is at hand. But we go along with it. What else are you going to do? Call somebody out? If you do, they will call you out. That's how the world works. That's why genuineness is almost impossible to come by in life.

Family is the problem. Family knows you. They have been around you for decades, they have seen your weaknesses on full display. They see what passes for your personality, a persona distorted by the evil misonceptions of your mind. The truth your mind knows, the lies your mind tries to pass off as reality. They are witness to the struggle.

As you struggle with what you project, if you decide that enough is enough, decide to take on a new approach - "this is who I will be around my family" - you will fail, and your family will see through the act. They will wonder "What the hell is he doing? Why does he appear so uncomfortable? Why is he making me feel uncomfortable?"

You have to know yourself so you can be yourself. Simple, right?

Nope. None of us are living the life we want to. We are forced to adopt roles, to pretend to be happy, praying that pretend happiness will lead to real happiness. Impossible.

The torture comes in when you vacate your soul, which happens early on in life. When you abandon your essence. Your soul will not remain empty. Evil moves right in. Evil thoughts fill the void, poison your truth, obscure your perspective, and ruin your life.

You have to find a way to know yourself. Then you have to find the strength to live your truth.

That is the only road to happiness.

You have to find a way to be genuine with your family. They are the ony ones who count. Co-workers are irrelevant, their opinions mean nothing. But if you cannot be genuine with your family, what the hell else is there?

You cannot live alone in your mind because your mind will sabotage you as easily as any enemy. Your family is real, they are blood, they count.

Do not waste the precious time you spend with family. Don't act for them. Give them genuineness.

Find a way.