Let's pretend you sell your house.
You cannot even believe that it happened. Your house is so run down it has been condemned by the local authorities. Toilets won't flush, roof leaks, foundation is sagging, lead paint flakes into your apple spice oatmeal in the morning.
And yet a young enthusiastic buyer wants your house - he wants it. And makes you an offer that you cannot refuse; it is $75,000 more than the house is worth. AND he waives his right to an inspection.
Champagne corks are popping, you rip off a quick trip to Ibiza, and you invest in bitcoin. Holy shit your life is suddenly magic.
You execute a signed P&S while your dreams dance before your eyes on a Saturday afternoon.
And then.....................and then.............your defective, rotting deck decides this is a good time to start ripping away from your house. The appraisor says "Holy shit, you better get this fixed or your buyer/savior will not get his financing. "You put up crime tape so Amazon delivery people will not lose their legs, and you google.
You waste time, you waste time as you research solutions - the closing date looms like the Grim Reaper with his scythe cocked - and you find "a guy" - a guy referred through a reputable home repair site - a guy who has nothing but good reviews online - you contact him and he agrees to come out and take a look.
You lose a few days.
He says he can definitely repair the deck without replacing it, makes a reasonable offer ,which you accept, and tells you he will be out on Saturday (last week). Meanwhile you lose a week. It rains that day. He doesn't show up. He doesn't call. You call him and he gets pissed that you questioned his judgement to not bother calling.
You decide to kiss his ass (desperation) and he agrees he will be out this week. He texts last night just as you are getting out of work (after narrowly avoiding killing every one of your co-workers and every customer you deal with) and tells you he will send two guys out tomorrow (today) mid-morning to fix the deck.
They don't show up. You lose five more days. You text him at 11:45. He doesn't respond. You call and cannot get through - his phone will not accept the call. The day is effectively wasted - no word from this fucking scumbag.
The deck creaks and groans, and sags some more.
Meanwhile, during this process, because you are a problem solver and your antennae are standing at attention - and as you are shampooing the shit out of your hair excreted there by Contractor #1, you got more referrals through another "reputable" home repair site. You contacted each and every one of them and each and every one of them had an excuse as to why they could not take on the project. But of course they had helpful suggestions. About as useful as your 93 year old grandmother from the old country explaining to you the most efficient way to shoot up smack to get the most bang for your buck.
Desperation escalates as doom looms.
Of course the situation will be resolved somehow someway - it has to be - but now you will probably have to kiss the buyer's ass for repair expense at double the cost.
Is this the way life is supposed to work?
You bet your fucking ass.
No comments:
Post a Comment