If Emotion Was Currency

If emotion was currency, I would be Bill Gates. Maybe we all would.

Emotion courses through my veins like a raging flood. I am emotion. I eat it, drink it, breathe it.

I cannot control it. I do not apologize for that. Some may say I am overly emotional. I say maybe I am overly alive.

Emotion is life. Life vibrates, especially at this time of year in this arctic climate that we endure.
Things come alive, they get pretty, they get warm, they get colorful. The sun challenges you to get up and out and rewards you with a comforting embrace. The first time you walk out that door to warmth, to t-shirt weather, your body just plain wakes up. Yeah, baby.

And if your emotions are at surface level, not buried, you plug into the spring life vibe, and joy and anticipation are off the charts. There is nothing but possibility ahead of you.

Most of us bury our emotions as self defense. Can't be vulnerable. Gotta appear tough, can't admit to sadness or disappointment or confusion. Or even love. Ever notice how you whisper "I love you" on the phone at work to the amazing person you share your life with? You don't say it conversationally; somebody might hear you. When Carol calls me at work, sometimes I think I should end the conversation by SHOUTING I love you. It would be the most honest, the most meaningful words I could say that day.

Emotion gets buried so deep, excavation becomes almost impossible. But nature gives you a nudge at this time of year. You notice this feeling, it's called being alive, that bubbles to the surface and catches you by surprise. Your first instinct is to push it back down. Somebody might catch you being you. Too risky.

Personally I know I will have moments this spring and summer, standing alone in Carol's magnificent garden, moments when honest tears stream down my face as I look towards the sun. Tears of happiness, disappointment, gratitude and love.

I know I will have moments of laughter and conversation with Carol in this peaceful spot she has created. Moments of ear drum shattering silent communication between us made possible by living thirty five years together.

I know I will laugh with my sons and their amazing women. Enjoy friends on the screened in porch and the garden.

The consistent thread here is emotion. I want to feel everything my warped and limited mind is equipped to handle.

Nature forces you to take notice of the fact that you are a human being at this time of year.

What you do with that information is up to you.

I would advise you not to waste it.