Truth (Plain, Not So Simple)

The truth is a highway leading to freedom.

I had to break away for a couple of minutes. For inspiration. I did some responsible things this morning and when that happens the Muse runs and hides. I try to write and garbage comes forth.

YouTube and Bose speakers for salvation. A little Mumford & Sons, and Mother by John Lennon.

I feel again. And I feel human. I'm back.

The truth is a highway leading to freedom. Hit me hard the other day. Kris Kristofferson.

Got me to thinking about truth. Truth is not easy. Most of us are not honest with ourselves. I know I am not honest with myself, so how can I be honest with anybody else? How can I be honest about my life?

We are all defensive because we are all disappointed. The truth  can be painful so we puff out our chests and create a verbal and mental reality.

I am starved for truth. Truth about my life. Truth about me.

I am in a new place and my mind is clear and alert and looking for answers, looking for direction. Change has happened before in my life and I watched it unfold like a spectator. This time around I am jumping on the back of change and taking it for a ride.

Truth is at the absolute core of where I need to get. I have ignored truth, bent it, lied to it and lied about it. I have looked away from it in the mirror.

I am giving maximum relevance to this particular life change. If nothing else, since 2006, everything I have endured, everything I have experienced, has laid me out in a crucible forcing introspection and examination. And CHANGE.

Even when my mind was numb, information was getting through. "If only" type of stuff, since I was not sure I would escape the downward spiral I threw myself into, dragging my long suffering wife with me. Consciously unaware at times, blazingly aware at other times, I was learning lessons I had been unable to learn previously.

 I know this because with the new situation has a come a certain clarity I have not felt before. A planning, a wondering, a commitment to using this opportunity instead of losing this opportunity.

I need to get at the truth about me because that truth will result in a life. My life. So elusive up to now and so painful in the search.

I am not one who can accept that whatever life I am leading is my life at that time. I have always looked at my life as something I needed to get to.

Suddenly the door - many doors, most in my mind, have been opened. There is something out there and it feels like the right thing. It feels like the square peg may finally find a square hole.

The truth is a highway leading to freedom. If you can live a life of pure truth - within yourself and projected onto others - your life has to be easier. It has to be more free.

I am seeking absolute truth while refusing to give up on the magic. The muse. The essence that bubbles - now violently in anticipation and proximity to honest destiny - in my soul.

This is not too much to ask.