Got home Tuesday night with a burning desire to be distracted. Entertained. Pulled away from the reality I am living right now, I needed intensity to fully engage my mind and my senses.
I grabbed The Godfather DVD and pumped that bad boy right into my low tech DVD player.
Jesus Christ it was perfect. That movie is intense from start to finish, especially if you are into the warped code of honor and respect thing as I am. Why I do not own II or III is beyond me. Actually I can live without III but I do require II. Add it to the list.
Let me tell you how intense it is. I have had days of bewilderment with the new job. Many of them. Not necessarily because of the requirements of the job, more related to my own shortcomings in the area of self confidence. I make the situation harder than it has to be because I convince myself I can't handle it.
I have increased the frequency of meetings with my lawyer, Attorney Crown Royal Esq. Not to the ridiculous level I used to abuse, but more so than I have for 6 or 8 months. As a result I fall asleep in the recliner. Early. The job wears me out, the whiskey delivers the knockout punch.
With The Godfather, I chowed pizza, had two beers and kept a tumbler of whiskey flowing, moderately, throughout the movie.
I did not fall asleep. For three hours I sat riveted. Then, being the intensity junkie that I am, I once again dialed up Mumford & Sons The Road To Red Rocks.
What a night. What a night. Exactly what I needed.
I am digging the movie and here comes the scene with Johnnie Fontaine asking The Don for help on the Don's daughter's wedding day. Johnny is whining about how a part in a movie will put his career back on top but the director of the movie refuses to give him the part. Johnny whines that he doesn't know what to do.
Don Vito Corleone stands up and says angrily "You can act like a man, that's what you can do." Then he slaps him and mimics his whining in a little kid's voice as Tom Hagen smirks in the background.
This was perfect. I realized that was exactly what I need. I need Vito Corleone to slap me in the face and goad me into being a man. Of course Vito goes ahead and has Khartoum's head cut off, which is a big help to Johnnie. He gets the part.
I could use the slap, but it would be helpful to have somebody cut off Khartoum's head in my life too. Just to make a point.
Since that is not going to happen, apparently I am on my own.
I was not able to put Godfather wisdom into play on Wednesday. I fell back into self doubt. However, yesterday I had had enough of the mocking of the mirror. I sucked it up and took more control.
It went well.
No guarantees. This is just one man's struggle with survival, internally and externally. But I am learning lessons.
Two favorite Godfather lines:
1) Leave the gun. Bring the cannolis.
2) In Sicily, women are more dangerous than shotguns.
Also, I love the scene where Michael realizes he has been betrayed by Tessio. Michael's men are walking Tessio to the car. He initially thinks he is going to a meeting but suddenly realizes he is going to be executed. He turns to Tom Hagen and quietly asks if there is anything he can do. Tom tells him it is too late.
Tessio turns and walks to the car without flinching, without begging for his life.
Talk about knowing your reality and accepting your fate.
Anyway, that was my Tuesday night and the repercussions that followed thereof. I dug it and I am digging the way my life is changing and forcing me to deal with it.
And out of the ashes rises the phoenix.
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