Cancer And Drugs

I'm a little pissed off at death today.

Actually I am a LOT pissed off at death.

On Wednesday morning at 3:45 a.m. Carol and I got a call that her brother Sarge had passed away.

He was 59.

He had been battling cancer for years and doing it with courage and style. He kept his sense of humor, he maintained his fiercely individualistic personality.

We could all see it coming but it doesn't matter.

It hurts.

This morning we got a call at 6:00 a.m. from my brother telling us that his son Jonathan died from an overdose.

He was 27.

He had been dealing with addiction for years. Had his good periods, had his tough periods. Put his parents through hell. Obviously he was living his own personal hell.

We were all aware of the possibility but it doesn't matter.

It hurts.

Sarge lost his life to cancer; Jonathan lost his life to drugs.

59 and 27.

If you add their ages together you get a sum that should represent one life. And even that is too short.

What the hell ever happened to natural causes? What the hell ever happened to living a life and dying naturally in old age?

Life is tough enough. Death is tough enough.

Why do we need disease? Why do we need torment and twisted ways to deal with it?

Sarge's obituary should have read: "Kenneth "Sarge" Sargent died today of natural causes at the age of 93. He lived a robust, independent life, staying true to his soul always. He touched so many lives they cannot be counted. He made his mark on the world and leaves a void that can never be filled."

Jonathan's obituary should have read: "Jonathan Testa died today at the age of 93. He was an accomplished musician and credited his father Ed as his inspiration. He was naturally gifted at sports, which he always said he inherited from his father's genes. He leaves behind three children and five grandchildren. He lived a successful life and gave back as much love as he received."

That is how it should have been.

But life does not play fair. Death does not play fair.

Sarge lived his own life and brought so much happiness to so many people. His life was cut way too short. He had a lot more to give. There will be people whose lives will be smaller for not having come in contact with Sarge.

Jonathan's life got cut short before he had a chance to live it. He never had a chance to redeem himself, to overcome his demons and to see what the world had to offer. To see what he could bring to this world to make it a little more enjoyable.

These two deaths are overwhelming.

Enough already.