Carol Down The Stairs

On weekends, Carol sleeps later than me.

I am usually up by 8, she sleeps until 9. Which is fine. She deserves anything that gives her comfort and makes her happy.

I am always sitting in my recliner, 1 or 2 cats in my lap, cup of dark roast coffee by my right hand, reading a book. I watch her come down the stairs.

The right side of her face is facing me as she comes down. That is the side with the weakened muscles; it droops a bit. When I tell you her situation breaks my heart every single day, that's where it starts on weekends. That exact moment.

But...............I watch her come down the stairs to another day, another day of disappointment and not enough progress in her recovery, and there is no give in her. No hunched shoulders, no sense of defeat, even though I know she is enormously frustrated.

I know she will get to the bottom of the stairs. I know I will say "Hey, baby." I know she will say "Good morning." I know she will brew herself up a cup of coffee, walk over to the couch and say something positive. I know she will talk excitedly to me about something in the newspaper or about a blouse she wants to buy or about the Red Sox or about Keith and Craig.

Her mind is always working and always thinks positive thoughts. She continues to look for solutions to the weak facial muscles. She's gonna do a dry needling thing this week. She tried Reiki last week.

I had no idea who I married almost 41 years ago. Not really. I just thought she had nice legs. I'm a leg man. That, and the fact that she was her own person. She knew who she was and was not afraid to show the world.

I now know that she is the toughest person on planet earth. Toughest and most positive. Inspirational.

I now know that she deserves all the love and respect and sensitivity that any one could possibly give her.

There are times when I feel like my heart will burst with love for her.

I came to this much later than I should have and under the wrong circumstances. But I am glad I finally fucking woke up.

I know that the first Saturday that she comes down those stairs after her facial muscles have bounced back, I will most likely saturate my face with tears. Won't be able to hide it, like I do now.

And I won't feel a speck of embarrassment.